The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
In a rare statement God has gone on record to say he’s not that arsed about his birthday this year and really doesn’t want people to make a fuss. Speaking via the medium of vicars the supreme being explained “I don’t want anyone taking time off work on my account, I’d rather people just treated […]
North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-Un has been urged to use his new found power as make or break film critic to rid the world once and for all of Hugh Grant films. Whilst many have been disappointed that Sony films have withdrawn the film “The interview” after threats from Pyongyang the subsequent move from […]
UKIP membership can constitute a disability in certain circumstances according to a ruling today by EU’s highest court. The European Court of Justice was asked to consider the case of a rather bigoted English male and UKIP voter who says he was sacked on the ambiguous technicality of being an immense twat, having refused to […]
Jihadists in the afterlife have been left red faced after an administrative error left them with 72 Richard Bransons to have as their personal sexual playthings. One recently passed Jihadist told us “I must admit, I thought I was going to receive the attentions of 72 young inexperienced ladies as opposed to 72 bearded sixty […]
Former fascist dictator of Italy Benito Mussolini has resigned as a UKIP parliamentary candidate following claims that he is dead, ineligible to vote in Britain and allegedly voiced extreme right wing views during his time as Prime Minister of Italy between 1922 and 1943. Lifetime UKIP leader Nigel Farage denied that the party was facing […]
David Cameron has pledged to reduce the deficit at all costs even if it means hunting it down on horses with a huge pack of beagles. “We’ll have Christmas day off” he explained “and then on Boxing Day we’ll assemble en masse for a cheeky glass of sherry before riding around the countryside blowing horns […]
A Government think tank has today predicted that people are going to start saying Jimmy Hill to each other again on occasions that they doubt the validity of what has just been described to them. The terminology which may be subject to regional variations such as saying itchy chin or Jimmy reckon is thought likely […]
Share prices for Premier foods have taken yet another hit this morning at news that the figurehead of one of it’s biggest brands Mr Kipling has been arrested under operation Yew tree. Drawing unsuspecting people in under the premise of “Exceedingly good cakes” the seemingly kindly face of mass produced mediocre pastries belied a more […]
A Conservative only Government will attempt to reduce the deficit by holding back funds previously earmarked for the Department of Half Heartedly Pretending to Give a Shit, according to Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Mr Osborne said “Do you realise how much it costs to tell people […]
A spokesman for the Connaught theatre in Worthing has confirmed that after being approached every year since 1979, iconic American comedian Bill Cosby has finally agreed to play the lead role of Aladdin in this years pantomime. One inside source at the theatre told us “He’s moderately funny yet also squeaky clean and that’s just […]
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