The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Prime Minister David Cameron has urged the public to follow him in his crusade to stand up for Christianity, apart from the bit about feeding poor people. “We’re all for dressing up in funny costumes, singing dull songs on a Sunday morning and being pious. Coupled with that we can use our new found religious […]
Education Secretary Michael Gove has today called for a thorough investigation into the running of 25 Birmingham schools amidst widespread accusations that they are now being run by cybernetically enhanced humanoid drones of multiple species organized as an interconnected collective, the decisions of which are made by a hive mind linked by subspace radio. Mr Gove says he is “extremely […]
In a surprise change of tack today on the Royal visit to Australia Prince William has called an end to engaging with people on an informal level and promised a return to general haughtiness and looking down his nose at the public in general. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference through a megaphone from […]
Former City Minister Lord Myners has said he is still confident he can persuade members of the Co-operative Group to vote for the troubled company to try not to be quite so shit, despite quitting the board due to growing opposition to his plans. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s political show ‘Afternoon bollocks’ Lord Myners explained “I […]
Following his appointment this morning after the shock resignation of Maria Miller, the former Financial Secretary to the Treasury Sajid Javid has been defending his position to critics who say he should resign amidst accusations of stealing from the treasury, lying to the press and strangling a cat. One parliamentary insider told us “The writings […]
The Queen is said by Royal sources to be ‘deeply disappointed’ that the President of Ireland who arrived today for a state visit is not actually Bono out of 1980s rock band U2. A palace insider told us “It was just a shock for her. Every time she turned on the TV that Bono was […]
Chaotic scenes surrounded Sheffield this morning after organisers cancelled the entire city due to a lack of water for runners at it’s annual half marathon. South Yorkshire Police said that they had originally thought of just cancelling the race but later decided that cancellation of the city itself was the best course of action with […]
The only humane way to cull badgers is by introducing them to alcohol, cigarettes and crack cocaine according to the Princess Royal. Speaking to BBC One’s Countryfile programme at her Gatcombe Park estate, Princess Anne explained “The trouble with badgers is they live quite a healthy lifestyle. All those root vegetables they scoff mean that […]
Smokers throughout the country are today celebrating the Government’s decision to remove branding from cigarettes, making it impossible to distinguish which brand you have, and thus making smoking more unpredictable and exciting. One smoker in Australia which legislated to make smoking more fun 2 years ago explained “Life used to be so bloody predictable when […]
Britain must shut it’s borders indefinitely and let British people interbreed until they all grow at least one extra finger according to UKIP leader Nigel Farage. Speaking this evening during his debate on Europe with Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, Mr Farage told us “We need to shut the ports, close the airports and fester […]
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