The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Sir John Chilcott has confirmed that he recently completed his long awaited report into the 2003 Iraq war but sadly it was mauled and partially eaten by a 3 year old cocker spaniel. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference Sir John explained that he had finished the report and had even written ‘The End’ […]
Peter Mandelson is still sliding under doors and appearing at meetings throughout the houses of parliament whether he has been invited to them or not according to parliamentary insiders. One Lib Dem MP said “Is he actually labour? He seems to have been at all the coalition meetings, generally smiling in a slightly unnerving fashion. […]
David Cameron has confirmed today that he will not be attending any televised pre-election debates unless famous glove puppet Sooty is included. Mr Cameron has said all “national parties and Sooty” must be represented at the live debates – which were first introduced for the 2010 general election. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s politcal chat show […]
UKIP leader Nigel Farage is said to be shocked, outraged and appalled following revelations that British chocolate maker Cadbury have chosen to make their popular creme eggs to a strict halal recipe. Speaking to a packed press conference Mr Farage said “Quite frankly I’m shocked, outraged and appalled. I used to love a creme egg […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has called for more episodes of ‘Only Fools and Horses’ to be shown in place of any live television debates ahead of this year’s general election. The Prime Minister warned that unless the slots earmarked for the debates were filled with a tried and tested 1980s sitcom starring David Jason, mob […]
Lib Dem Leader Nick Clegg has told fellow Liberal Democrats that they must prostitute their morals like a tupenny whore in order to get into a coalition with the most popular party following the 2015 General Election. “We should do or say anything that means we give the appearance of staying in power whilst in […]
Fundamentalist extremists who worship Neptune God of the Sea have threatened violent, humourless and ill informed action unless the creators of Captain Pugwash, Finding Nemo and Howards Way cease and desist their respective creative endeavours. One warning received in writing said “He’s quite a laid back deity as long as people avoid dramas, cartoons and […]
Jeremy Hunt must have a camera inserted into his anal passage as a matter of urgency according to Doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals. A spokesman for St Mary’s hospital Paddington said “We can confirm that we will be sending out an ambulance to pick up Mr Hunt with a mind to bringing him to […]
The Guardian and Daily Telegraph have announced that they are teaming up with on line skin flick vendor Porn Hub to host an online leader’s debate ahead of the General election in May. A spokesman for the three media outlets explained “People are bored of stagnant debate and lame party political broadcasts on BBC and […]
Some posh rich old money establishment type people have set the record straight today by confirming that the honour of Dame awarded to Fiona Woolf is not at all iffy and actually shows the ruling classes to be very in touch with the people. Very in touch indeed. Baroness Butler-Sloss told BBC Radio 4 that […]
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