The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Americans throughout America are today celebrating 240 years of independence from the UK and the subsequent freedoms associated with it, such as eating incredibly shit chocolate and running around shooting each other. One reveller told us “If the UK was still in charge they’d have taken away all our guns. In fact we probably wouldn’t […]
Britain is to hold a one minute silence en masse for the demise of Russell Brand’s career following the sad news that it may have drowned in a sea of its own bollocks. Reportedly enjoying itself splashing about in a sea of self indulgent pap, Mr Brand’s career is understood to have been pulled under […]
Glastonbury organisers have denied that the festival is is descending into corporatism following news that wigged up tycoon and presidential hopeful Donald Trump is to headline next year on the main stage. The delighted business magnate told us “There’s no music involved but people will want to hear my top ten hints for success. After […]
Americans are to get rid of all their guns in order to melt them down and use them to construct one big communally owned gun. A spokesman for the White House told us “It’s just not enough for us to all have guns. We all have to lay our hands on the biggest gun in the […]
Brand spanking new Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has confirmed that if successful in a General Election he will take back all the money in Britain and give it out again so everyone has exactly the same. “It’s like monopoly. It’s all great fun but sooner or later just one person has all the hotels in […]
Top Gear will be departing from it’s misogynistic roots by featuring a bird every week who tells us whether she prefers a pink car or a white car, according to new presenter Chris Evans. “I’ll never get accused of sexism if there’s a bird on it.” He explained cheerfully. Sandy Toksvig who is the bookie’s […]
Former Respect MP and Big Brother contestant George Galloway has said that he will not stop on his political mission until everyone in Britain has stopped whatever else they are doing and is listening to him. Famous for holding a parliamentary seat in Bradford West for half a term and pretending to be a cat […]
Scientists are predicting a significant increase in life expectancy for people who eat a certain type of food that when chewed, swallowed and ingested could add up to 12 years to your life. At least. The study is thought to have come from scientific research of a number of people eating different types of food […]
Portsmouth locals have been up in arms following the recent news that the United Arab Emirates airline has demanded popular retail and leisure outlet Gunwharf be made alcohol free as condition of them sponsoring the famous Spinnaker tower. The ban which will include anywhere within a 1/4 mile radius of the tower itself is thought […]
People caught smiling, laughing, dancing or exhibiting a cheerful persona are to be arrested on suspicion of use of legal highs as part of the Government’s ‘arrest everyone for everything except alcohol and tobacco’ drive. Prime Minister David Cameron warned anyone of a lower social stature but a suspiciously sunny disposition to expect the full […]
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