The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Pasty eating pint swilling Prime Minister, man of the people and common or garden bloke next door David Cameron, is now a huge Bowie fan, and will be lamenting the demise of the ground-breaking musician by listening to all his music for the first time. “It’s like part of my heart has been torn away” […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has refused to confirm or deny that either he or a member of his close family scooped a lottery jackpot of almost £30 million yesterday. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Osborne denied that the win would change him. “It’s not that much really. And anyway it’s not […]
The economy is being torn to shreds by weasels with sharp and pointy teeth and can only be revived by far more stringent austerity measures, according to stark warnings issued today by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne. Speaking on BBC Radio 4’s Today Programme Mr Osborne said “I know I said that I […]
Western leaders have gone on record today to deny ever calling North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Un “Fatty Tom-Tom”, “Psycho Billy Bunter” and certainly not “Supreme pudding of the people’s democratic republic of Korea” following reports that the heavily boned autocrat has access to a huge bomb which he plans to use to blow shit up […]
Big Brother producers Endemol have confirmed that former childrens’ entertainer Sweep will be adding his name to the Glitterati who have already entered the Big Brother house. A spokesman for Endemol told us that the famous squeaky dog would be likely to enter the house tonight or tomorrow night or the night after that at […]
The Isle of Wight is set to be the latest nation to impose strict new border controls, as concern increases regarding immigration from the mainland. Council Leader Jonathan Bacon said “It makes sense for us to have border controls here. Otherwise Hampshire and Dorset locals are going to come over here in a swarm. If […]
Someone somewhere in the middle east or over here has promised revenge or divine retribution after some people had their heads chopped off by way of revenge for some other people having their heads chopped off. One angry Cleric we spoke to said “Our God is a peaceful and merciful God. And we will chop […]
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has vowed today to press on with cuts to the NHS that would virtually eliminate funds for GPs to carry out home visits where they strongly advise monkeys to desist from jumping on the bed. Speaking on the Marr show, Mr Hunt said “Obviously we expect Doctors to turn up at […]
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has reportedly handed himself in to Paddington Green police station where he is still thought to still be helping with enquiries according to eye witnesses. Apparently telling passers by that he “just can’t do this any more” Mr Blair is thought to have arrived at Paddington Green at approximately 8am […]
Paul Golding, leader of popular goose-stepping movement Britain First has been included in this year’s honours list for services to keeping Britain racist. A government spokesman said “We can confirm that we will be offering a Lordship, a knighthood or an OBE or something to Mr Paul Golding for services to keep Britain extra Britishy […]
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