The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Katie Hopkins is to be pneumatically inflated and used as a boat in order to transport people on essential sea voyages according to sources close to the right wing shock monger. One source told us “She just wants to do the right thing. She may come across via the media as a rather unpleasant person, […]
The SNP have “Big plans for the Home Counties” and are fully prepared to discuss non-Scottish things with non-Scottish people should they hold the balance of power following the General Election on May 7th. SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon told a press conference that should she find herself as Deputy Prime Minister she would immerse herself […]
A Labour Government will put legislation into place to enable all workers to occasionally kick their boss up the arse without any risk of being fired or incurring criminal charges according to leader Ed Miliband. Speaking on the Marr show the shadow Prime Minister said “We still need to make difficult decisions in terms of […]
Greg Wallace is reported to be critical but stable, having been run over by a cliché during today’s filming of Masterchef A source from the never-ending, swanky-nosh competition told us “It’s a dangerous job. He spouts this shit day in, day out knowing that at any point one of his nuggets of generic mediocrity could […]
UKIP leader Nigel Farage has vowed to the British public that should he not win the Thanet parliamentary seat he will eat a paella. Launching the party’s manifesto, Mr Farage said “It’ll be a huge paella and not one of those microwave ones from Asda neither. This will be a proper Spanish one with snails […]
A conservative only Government will enable the Queen to buy some or all of her council houses thus enabling her to finally get her foot on the property ladder rather than slumming it in state owned accommodation. Launching his election manifesto Mr Cameron said that all of Britain deserved the good life. It was just […]
Ed Miliband has promised voters a shift away from new Labour and a return to regular power cuts and frequent industrial action based on the passing whims of shop stewards who just fancy a day in the pub. Having just unveiled the new Labour manifesto Mr Miliband told a heaving press conference “We need the […]
Former First Lady and now presidential hopeful Hilary Clinton has vowed to outlaw possession of all firearms throughout America, the moment she begins her term as President Speaking to a packed press conference Mrs Clinton said “We have 40 times as many gun deaths per head of population than Britain where it is illegal to […]
A Green Party Government will ban all forms of competitive sports, forcing sports channels on TV to instead show programmes about vegetarian cookery and eco-homes that run on poo. Already hitting the headlines for her promise to crack down on the illegal but widely practised sport of sheep fighting, party leader Natalie Bennett has gone […]
In a new craze more perverse than dogging, Britain is reportedly set to watch a parade of zebra like creatures running amok with no particular sense of purpose, whilst being straddled and sporadically whipped by human dwarfs. One insider who wished to remain anonymous told us “I’ve been to these events, it’s like something out […]
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