The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
David Moyes is facing the sack in the next 24 hours and is set to be replaced by former Co-operative bank boss, the Reverend Paul Flowers, according to News Toad sources. The outgoing Premier League champions have refused to comment on the widespread reports circulating on Monday afternoon, but News Toad sources suggest Moyes will […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has this morning revealed that he actually worships a number of different Gods depending on who he is talking to, what policies he is trying to implement and what mood he is in at the time. Under fire for previously categorising Britain as a solely Christian country, the Premier told us: […]
David Cameron, God and the Rightly Reverend Justin Welby are all being called to account today as it has transpired that at least one of the three Eastery bank holidays is actually on a Sunday. One protester we spoke to Bert Onions was pitching a tent outside Parliament where he told us he was planning […]
What appears to be a man dressed up in a rabbit costume has this morning issued a countrywide plea to the public to shun organised religion and remember the real meaning of Easter. “It’s all about the eggs, ideally ones that are mass produced by huge corporate confectionery companies. My job is to deliver chocolate […]
The Department of Transport have warned motorists to allow plenty of extra time for their journeys today as it is thought that the entire population of Britain and much of Northern Europe will be heading for Cornwall today to enjoy a well earned break over the Easter week-end. A spokesman explained “It’s all going to […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has urged the public to follow him in his crusade to stand up for Christianity, apart from the bit about feeding poor people. “We’re all for dressing up in funny costumes, singing dull songs on a Sunday morning and being pious. Coupled with that we can use our new found religious […]
Education Secretary Michael Gove has today called for a thorough investigation into the running of 25 Birmingham schools amidst widespread accusations that they are now being run by cybernetically enhanced humanoid drones of multiple species organized as an interconnected collective, the decisions of which are made by a hive mind linked by subspace radio. Mr Gove says he is “extremely […]
In a surprise change of tack today on the Royal visit to Australia Prince William has called an end to engaging with people on an informal level and promised a return to general haughtiness and looking down his nose at the public in general. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference through a megaphone from […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has said he feels confident of the Christian vote at the next election because he feels that he himself is a bit like Jesus. Speaking on BBC Radio Norfolk, the Premier was explaining the true meaning of Easter when he likened himself to the hapless deity. “Now we’re all looking forward […]
Former City Minister Lord Myners has said he is still confident he can persuade members of the Co-operative Group to vote for the troubled company to try not to be quite so shit, despite quitting the board due to growing opposition to his plans. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s political show ‘Afternoon bollocks’ Lord Myners explained “I […]
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