The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
First it was horse. And now it’s a different type of horse. The food industry is again under the spotlight as it has emerged that as well as being high in salt and sugar, many brand name processed foods and ready meals actually contain a high percentage of heroin, in some cases significantly more that […]
With the Country once again being battered by rainfall and 90 mph winds along with the growing sentiment that this is caused by climate change, calls are coming in thick and fast for the public hanging of Southampton resident Bert Onions, who it is alleged on November 13th 2012 went to his local supermarket to […]
Hard man Ray Winstone is getting set to confront the weather as part of new measures agreed at the most recent Government COBRA meeting. Speaking at a packed press conference Prime Minister David Cameron told us “The public can rest assured that we’re going to explore every avenue to help Britain through this meteorological crisis. […]
Drug Dealers throughout Britain have reported a sharp upturn in Ketamine sales today as the proposed reclassification of the horse tranquiliser from C to B have once again made it a bit naughty and therefore more interesting. One user we spoke to told us that he was looking forward to giving the drug another bash, […]
The food industry is today facing another crisis as reports come in that the much loved ‘bear ham’ in the deli section of supermarkets may sadly contain little or no actual bear. Richard Lloyd, executive director of Which?, called for more effective use of resources and tougher penalties. “No one wants to see another incident […]
The Prince of Wales has met residents and farmers in the flood-hit Somerset Levels to offer his congratulations on what is probably the biggest open air lido in the world, apart from some of the Great Lakes and the sea. Declaring the lido open and cutting some tape with a pair of scissors the Monarchic […]
Heir Apparent to the British throne Prince Charles has issued climate change deniers with one of his firmest rebuke yet “Stop running around like headless chickens and start taking note of the overwhelming scientific data. Unless it’s homeopathy.” Speaking at the Young Sustainability Entrepreneur awards, the apprentice King explained “All of a sudden, and with […]
Britain stands on the precipice of an obesity crisis according to leading scientists who have bizarrely cited ‘food’ as the main reason. The claims have encountered controversy as it challenges the belief that you can eat as much food as you like as long as you buy it from Waitrose or Selfridges food hall. One […]
Britain’s Doctors have gone on record this morning to say “Fuck it. Eat sugar.” Former Richard and Judy TV Doctor and now vaguely medical product endorser Dr Chris Steele told us “It’s not the new smoking, unless you smoke it. Nice people have it in labelled jars next to their tea and coffee. “It’s true […]
People who have eaten the equivalent of a Ford Focus full of lard over the festive period are set to make their annual visit to a gym today where they will be politely chastised for their lack of exercise, excess weight, overall shabby lifestyle, and consequently talked into a years water tight membership contract. More […]
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