The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
One Direction hate their fans and prefer the company of people who can’t stand their music according to shock admissions from sources within the band. “They’re annoying and they’ve got stupid little mouths.” Front man Harry Styles explained. “We don’t want to keep hearing how good our music is because it isn’t. I wrote the […]
Kanye West has been nominated for the prestigious Oscars for his compelling performance as a twat it was revealed today. Though the winners of the coveted awards will not be announced until the ceremony later in February, Mr West is already thought to be the bookies favourite after a continuous execution of the role throughout […]
Western leaders have gone on record today to deny ever calling North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Un “Fatty Tom-Tom”, “Psycho Billy Bunter” and certainly not “Supreme pudding of the people’s democratic republic of Korea” following reports that the heavily boned autocrat has access to a huge bomb which he plans to use to blow shit up […]
The Isle of Wight is set to be the latest nation to impose strict new border controls, as concern increases regarding immigration from the mainland. Council Leader Jonathan Bacon said “It makes sense for us to have border controls here. Otherwise Hampshire and Dorset locals are going to come over here in a swarm. If […]
Someone somewhere in the middle east or over here has promised revenge or divine retribution after some people had their heads chopped off by way of revenge for some other people having their heads chopped off. One angry Cleric we spoke to said “Our God is a peaceful and merciful God. And we will chop […]
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has reportedly handed himself in to Paddington Green police station where he is still thought to still be helping with enquiries according to eye witnesses. Apparently telling passers by that he “just can’t do this any more” Mr Blair is thought to have arrived at Paddington Green at approximately 8am […]
Pope Francis has recognised a miracle attributed to Paul Daniels, clearing the way for him to be made a saint next year. “The Holy Father has authorised the Congregation for the Causes of Saints to proclaim the decree concerning the miracle attributed to the intercession of blessed Paul Daniels with able assistance from Debbie McGee” […]
Russian people are going to have to have either goose or duck for their Christmas dinner following reports that President Putin has banned all feasting on flappy necked birds between Christmas eve and Boxing day. “Anyone planning to celebrate Christmas with a roasted bird that goes by the same name as a country we have […]
The Scottish Parliament have refused to deny that they are building a wicker man for Donald Trump’s next visit to the British Isles. Some 60 foot high and erected on Mr Trump’s own golf course, it’s thought that the locals plan to lure the toupeed tycoon into it via some cock and bull story […]
Climate change is simply stuff’n’nonsense peddled by hippies to mask the real issue that they need to get a job and a haircut, the world climate summit in Paris has concluded today. Representatives from over 200 countries, who had all flown to Paris by plane, are thought to have spent several minutes standing outside in […]
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