The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Media mogul Rupert Murdoch and former model Jerry Hall are reported to be consummating their marriage at this exact moment according to sources close to the pair. Reports that neither have been seen live on any internet footage for a matter of minutes in the aftermath of their earlier nuptials have led to widespread speculation […]
The Government are to move all disabled people and pensioners out of local authority owned bungalows and sell them to tall people, according to plans announced today.
McDonalds are to ban the only people who can bear to eat their food, following the revelation that some of them also like to get into fights. General Manager for Britain and Ireland, Filet O’Fish, said “We’ve no idea why cheap mass produced food in tacky surroundings brings in the wrong people. But we’re getting […]
The Ku Klux Klan is to finally let black people become fully fledged members as long as they are prepared to wear silly hats, according to the press release issued today from the organisation. Appearing on the organisation’s website the message read “We’re all descended from immigrants anyway so we realised the futility in our […]
Glastonbury festival is thought to be under threat today following news that McCarthy and Stone have received planning permission to build a retirement complex just yards from where the main stage would normally be situated. Land owner Michael Eavis said “I was initially against the idea but then it occurred to me that I’ve had […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has warned of further cunts to public spending in next months budget. Mr Osborne said that global economic turmoil and slower growth meant undertaking further reductions. But not ones with a single shred of morality. “We’re going to have to make some more difficunt decisions” He explained. “I’ve looked […]
The BBC used its influence as Britain’s most senior television channel to molest other TV channels over several decades, according to results of an inquiry released today. One industry source told us “It was all a picture of decency until the end of the day’s programmes. There was a quick round of God Save the […]
The French must apologise for their behaviour during the battle of Agincourt in the 15th Century, make a pledge to stop eating long bread and desist from saying aw-he-haw-he-haw according to London Mayor, Brexit campaigner and would be Prime Minister Boris Johnson. “We may have won the bloody battle but there were loads more on […]
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan smith is reportedly so excited about the possibility of Britain leaving the European Union that he has gone on ahead and left Europe already. A source close to the shiny headed inequality monger said “He was like a cat on a hot tin roof. The thought of living on […]
Boris Johnson has formalised his campaign to run for Prime Minister under the guise of some argument over membership of the EU. The shaggy, self serving, former Eton schoolboy said that the question of whether to remain in the EU was a complicated issue and it had taken him hours of painstaking thought to work out […]
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