Queen ‘getting right on it’ after £2M pay rise

Her Royal Highness Her majesty Elizabeth The Queen is apparently unavailable for comment today after the first 24 hours of “getting right on it” following yesterdays pay rise. In what was described by Royal sources as “serious result” in the form of a £2 million pay rise from the public purse, the Palace hosted one […]

Queen urged to stop milking it

The Queen has been urged to stop milking it with the incessant rounds of birthdays, official birthdays, jubilees and anniversaries of coronations according to an insider from the British public. “It’s just got stupid. I’m sure these things used to be once every ten years or so. But it’s got like X factor or Britain’s […]

Brian May “not happy” about stuff

  Dr Brian May former string twanger with pop group Queen, astronomer and now badger farm owner has revealed to the public that he is increasingly unhappy about a number of things. “I’m not happy about a  number of things” he explained. Several TV Doctors were unavailable for comment but we did manage to speak […]

Smug drumming troupes to finally piss off as public back Helen Mirren

The British public have today backed Dame Helen Mirren as she has called for smug drumming troupes to finally piss off and bang their stupid drums somewhere else. Speaking at a press conference, Dame Helen told us  “I’m basically the Queen these days as people prefer me to the other one. But with that comes […]

Britain braces itself for Queen’s birthday pub crawl

The Queen is due to celebrate her birthday privately amongst family and friends according to Buckingham Palace. However, the night before is open to anyone and will involve an eight hour binge around the many chain pubs prevalent in the central London area. A spokesman from the Palace told us “Her Majesty wishes that her […]

Palace fury at unauthorised stick drawing of Kate

A spokesman for Buckingham Palace has relayed the ‘utter fury’ felt by the Royal Family at another unauthorised picture of Princess Kate, this time in the form of a stick drawing by 5 year old Poppy from Burgess Hill. “I can confirm that an unauthorised picture of the pregnant Princess has been drawn by an […]