The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
A solely Conservative Government will distance itself from the European Court of Human Rights and send everybody to prison, a party spokesman has confirmed this morning. Speaking to Andrew Neil on his weekday political show “Afternoon bollocks” the Home Secretary Theresa May explained: “Bang them up until they get used to it and it becomes […]
Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has signalled that the Lib Dems may go into Coalition with an independent Scotland depending on the results of September’s referendum. “They’ll need our moderating influence, otherwise they’ll just be far too Scottish. They need us.” Mr Clegg has already ruffled feathers within the Lib Dems by not only changing […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has reassured flood victims throughout the country with the simple message “It’s ok. I’m nice and warm.” Having emerged from this evenings COBRA meeting Mr Cameron reassured a packed press conference “The flooding has been a tragedy for all those affected. But don’t let the thought of me being cold and […]
With the Country once again being battered by rainfall and 90 mph winds along with the growing sentiment that this is caused by climate change, calls are coming in thick and fast for the public hanging of Southampton resident Bert Onions, who it is alleged on November 13th 2012 went to his local supermarket to […]
Hard man Ray Winstone is getting set to confront the weather as part of new measures agreed at the most recent Government COBRA meeting. Speaking at a packed press conference Prime Minister David Cameron told us “The public can rest assured that we’re going to explore every avenue to help Britain through this meteorological crisis. […]
Drug Dealers throughout Britain have reported a sharp upturn in Ketamine sales today as the proposed reclassification of the horse tranquiliser from C to B have once again made it a bit naughty and therefore more interesting. One user we spoke to told us that he was looking forward to giving the drug another bash, […]
Babies and young children are set to face a ban on smoking whilst in cars depending on the results of today’s House of Commons vote in a move that has divided politicians and motorists alike. One motorist we spoke to told us “It’s absolutely ridiculous. My 18 month old has no concept of the dangers […]
The food industry is today facing another crisis as reports come in that the much loved ‘bear ham’ in the deli section of supermarkets may sadly contain little or no actual bear. Richard Lloyd, executive director of Which?, called for more effective use of resources and tougher penalties. “No one wants to see another incident […]
Prince William has vowed today to save endangered species by shooting all other animals until their populations reach similarly low levels. Speaking to Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell through a megaphone the youngish royal explained “There may be only a few thousand rhinos left but if we decimate the population of deer with a shoot fest, […]
An independent Scotland will be forced to accept Alex Salmond as a life long President who is likely to desperately cling to power by force until he reaches his mid eighties according to a statement from Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking whilst fending off missiles being thrown at him by Somerset locals, the Premier warned […]
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