The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Members of Britain First have vowed to put their glad rags on, sport their dancing shoes and support any West end night clubs that might suffer a loss of business for racist door policies. Leader Paul Golding told us “We hadn’t realised these clubs were operating a racially prejudiced door policy and quite frankly we […]
Representatives of Nestlé and Coca-Cola are at loggerheads today as both laid claim to all the water apparently found on Mars, each arguing that they had bagsied it first. Nestlé chairman Peter Brabeck-Letmathe said “Now Mars has been shown to have water then it could conceivably sustain primitive subaquatic life forms. And if these basic fish […]
London House prices have this evening gone back to roughly the same as the rest of the country thanks to a group of plucky protesters who today assisted in shutting a breakfast cereal shop in Shoreditch. One protester told us that he felt a warm glow knowing that not only could people once again buy […]
The Isle of Wight has been chosen as the setting for Britain’s first speed limit free motorway according to the Department of Transport. Secretary of State for Transport Patrick McLoughlin said “We want to create a southern offshore powerhouse. And we’re not going to have that pootling around at 40 mph. It’s time the Island […]
Sepp Blatter will continue to run FIFA from prison should he be found guilty according to sources close to the cash snaffling football boss. A spokesman for the hapless front for a sporting organisation said that Mr Blatter would not be the first head of an organisation to be prosecuted for criminal mismanagement, and still […]
A meeting to be held in the near future between Vladimir Putin and Elton John is “absolutely not a date” according to a statement from the Kremlin which has confirmed that the pair will be meeting up just as friends. “It is just a man suggesting meeting up with another man to discuss manly things […]
Volkswagen drivers are entirely to blame for global warming, driving around their pretend eco-friendly armageddon mobiles, the company’s Chief Executive has admitted today. The statement comes following reports that the VW onboard computer was deliberately programmed to not display the global warming catastrophe light the moment the engine was started, leaving the drivers able to […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has silenced his critics and won widespread adoration from the public today on setting out his plans to end the epidemic of every single child having lunch at school. Speaking to a wildly cheering crowd Mr Osborne assured well wishers that the Government would face the ‘everyone having 3 […]
Chris Packham has today applauded moves to release a new strain of Gonorrhoea back into it’s natural habitat, starting with Yorkshire, where in days gone by it was considered as much a part of the region as cloth caps and Eccles cakes. Speaking from a camouflaged tent in Leeds city centre, along with Bill Oddie […]
The AA have confirmed that it is absolutely fine to put petrol in diesel cars should Britain run out of diesel in the next few months as widely predicted by the British media. Speaking on popular TV motor show Top Gear a spokesman for the AA explained “It’s the big secret that the motor industry […]
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