The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Heavy Metal group Metallica look unlikely to perform their headline slot at Glastonbury 2014 after all, as according to industry insiders, the entire band have been eaten by bears. Bear hunting is a sport widely advocated by the National Rifle Association in America. It’s leader Charlton Heston apparently lived in fear of the world turning […]
Michael Eavis has confirmed today that Glastonbury 2016 will be setting the standard for music festivals around the country by becoming Britain’s first dry festival.
Teen heart throbs the BNP Youth are looking to capitalise on their new found fame by releasing a series of cover versions of British number one hit singles, starting with “Pass the dutchie pon the left hand side” by Musical Youth, a band with a very similar name. Looking very serious when they spoke to […]
Rolf Harris has today begun his defence against charges of indecent assault by way of puffing, panting and playing the wobble board whilst simultaneously painting a 24 foot high mural, an action that he says will prove him innocent of all charges. One juror told us of his surprise that instead of cross examining the […]
Former 1990s bland songsmith Gary Barlow has again been criticised today as evidence has emerged that he entered into an OBE giving back avoidance scheme, a scheme so complex that it managed to sidestep all OBE giving back laws and protocol, resulting in the scenario that he still has one. A parliamentary insider explained that […]
Fans throughout the western world are today looking for a new band to follow and get all excited about after rumours that the band One Direction may or may not have come to a sorry demise, if they had been on a plane and that plane had unfortunately crashed. One tearful fan told us “We […]
UKIP leader Nigel Farage has said that he will instruct party activists to paint 1970s comedian and former generation game host Jim Davidson a shade of brown so he looks a bit foreign. Speaking to a heaving press conference this morning Mr Farage explained “It doesn’t seem to matter what we do, people still think […]
New British hopeful Molly Smitten-Downes has pledged to win the 2013 Eurovision song contest for Britain without singing a note in the conventional sense, but by simply farting along with the background music, in a surprise announcement from the British Eurovision Committee. The singer,aged 26, has welcomed the challenge of representing her country and […]
BBC executives have been left fuming following leaked information that this years Masterchef, all filmed in advance, was actually won by a man who used only his anus in preparing all dishes. Set to be shown on TV at some point next week, Surrey man Bert Onions apparently wows the judges and wins his heat […]
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