North Korea prepared to use Chinese Burns

North Korea has been observed training troops to perform the fearsome military tactic of a Chinese Burn according to South Korea’s Foreign Minister.  Kim Kwan-jin has however urged caution and played down concerns that this could potentially leave the United States with a slightly sore wrist. In a statement via the Korean Central News Agency, […]

Vatican to invade the Falkland Islands

Shiny new Pope Frank has announced at his Inauguration Mass today that his first task as Catholic Church Boss will be to lead an all out invasion of the Falkland Islands.  Speaking in Latin, he told the 200.000 strong crowd “I’ve been approached by Argentinian president Cristina Fernandez and asked if I can do something […]

Falkland Islanders vote to be French

The long running dispute regarding the sovereignty of the Falkland Islands took an unexpected twist today as the results of the referendum have seen the Islanders speak emphatically, and in one voice, that from now on they wish to be French. Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has requested that the French Government hand over […]

Kim Jong Un “We’ll stop if Danny Dyer stops making films”

Supreme leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un has signaled that he may be prepared to cease all threats of launching a nuclear attack on South Korea or the USA on the proviso that cockney geyser thespian Danny Dyer ceases making his shit films immediately. Close friend and confidant George Galloway told us “It’s no […]

Next pope “may have to be a dalek”

The next pope may well have to be a dalek, according to an outspoken Vatican source, in what is seen as one of the most dramatic breaks from ecumenical convention since the 12th Century when the papacy was briefly awarded to an elk. Speaking at a press conference this morning, Vatican Head of Communications Cardinal […]

Pope is ‘just lazy’

Pope Benedict XVI has resigned, saying that at his age he cannot carry out all his tasks adequately and is losing strength in body and mind. However, information from those closest to him suggests that he just can’t be arsed. A Vatican insider told us “This comes as no surprise to us. On numerous occasions […]

It’s Snoop Popey Pope as rapper hot favourite for Vatican leadership

The Catholic Church has been thrown into turmoil today by the Pope’s decision to resign from the catholic Church to ‘seek new challenges within the private sector’. The announcement came as a surprise to insiders who had gathered to join the Pope for his weekly game of ‘ecumenical cricket’, where participants gain one run for […]

Iran to offer space holidays for monkeys

Iran has been accused of creating a smokescreen with it’s highly publicised ‘free of charge galactic monkey holidays’ the first of which happened yesterday. Western Governments have argued that this display of overt monkey kindness may have a sinister ulterior motive and indeed theories have ranged from plans to start a pro-Iranian ‘planet of the […]

Robert Mugabe to advise George Osborne on economy

Robert Mugabe is to be flown into Britain to offer advice on fiscal policy as part of emergency Government measures, it was revealed today. Having recently brought inflation in his country from a figure of millions down to a mere several thousand per cent and being renowned for his no nonsense policies of bulldozing the […]

USA threaten North Korea with new Rocky film

The United States have warned North Korean leader Kim Jong-un to cease his nuclear program immediately or they will have no option but to launch a new Rocky film. The last time a Rocky Film was used aggressively by America was in the 1980s when a pretend bout between Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren successfully […]