The British public have been warned not to approach a rapidly expanding Liam Fox who reportedly began inflating at an alarming rate following a talk at a Conservative party dinner yesterday.
Club shut down by people who don’t go clubbing anymore
September 7, 2016 by Leave a Comment
People who don’t go clubbing have called the closure of London super-club Fabric, a victory for common sense, particularly as they don’t go clubbing anymore so it won’t affect them.
Would you pass Nigel Farage’s points based immigration system?
September 5, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Nigel Farage is very cross that Prime Minister Theresa May won’t adopt a points based immigration system. But what would Britain look like if Nigel were to award points to immigrants? Try this simple test to see if you would get in.
Post Brexit Britain to bring back white dog poo
September 2, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Theresa May has today promised that a post Brexit Government will take Britain back to simpler times when dog poo was white and you could find some on almost every residential street. “We need to return Britain to a bygone era where everyone wakes up to a bowl of frosted sugar smacked winnits and walks […]
“Here you are. Here’s €13 billion” Apple tell EU
August 30, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Technology giant Apple has handed over €13 billion to the European Commission today telling officials they were surprised they hadn’t asked earlier.
Post boxes to stop wearing Burkas
August 29, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Post boxes are going to have to stop wearing Burkas and start dressing like everybody else according to leaked minutes of a recent Government meeting. One Government insider told us “They don’t make any effort to fit in. They’re just all clad in red apart from the small rectangular gap at the top through […]
Reiki healer jailed for misdiagnosing and treating wrong chakra
August 28, 2016 by 4 Comments
A Reiki healer has been jailed today after a court heard that she misdiagnosed and subsequently transmitted Reiki to the wrong chakra which could have seriously affected her patient’s flow of chi.
“Tell them it was a bike accident” Corbyn tells Branson
August 26, 2016 by 4 Comments
Sir Richard Branson is this morning still denying that he was duffed up by Jeremy Corbyn after a row about trains earlier in the week.
Pope urged to wear swimming trunks
August 24, 2016 by 3 Comments
The Pope has been called on today to ditch his antiquated religious garb from the middle ages and wear swimming trunks round the clock on the off chance that he fancies a dip in the sea.
Prison extremists to be played Black Lace songs
August 22, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Islamic extremists in prison will be required to listen to songs by 1980s holiday dance outfit Black Lace, piped in so loud that it will drown out any attempts to exert a radicalising influence on other inmates.
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