Business Secretary Sajid Javid has said that he will sadly be unable to promise nationalisation of the Port Talbot steel works in Wales, as he is too busy washing his hair.
“Europe not safe” says Trump from safety of country with highest gun deaths
March 28, 2016 by 1 Comment
Donald Trump has warned Americans to avoid travel to Europe and to stay put in the safety of a country that has more gun deaths than any other country in the western world.
Schools to become corporate owned conservative indoctrination camps
March 27, 2016 by 1 Comment
Many children will return to school after the Easter break to find their schools have been turned into Conservative party indoctrination camps, financed by corporations owned by hedge funds and run by some city type with the morals of a particularly cunty weasel. Education secretary Nicky Morgan said that the retraining and moral adjustment of […]
Bognor Regis to replace pebbles on beach with mini-chocolate eggs
March 24, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Bognor Regis is expecting a stampede of tourists this week-end following the council’s decision to replace the pebbles on its beach with mini-chocolate eggs.
Conservatives divided over whether to be total bastards or utter bastards
March 21, 2016 by 2 Comments
The Conservative party is thought to be divided today over whether to be total bastards or utter bastards. Prime Minister David Cameron has denied that now the Conservative Government has disenfranchised just about every sector of society that isn’t them, they were ready to turn on each other like a pack of rabid dogs. However, […]
Duncan Smith “I left because I love fluffy kittens”
March 20, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Iain Duncan Smith has revealed that he was forced to leave his front bench government position because he cares too much and there was nothing in the budget to benefit fluffy kittens.
Iain Duncan Smith resigns in protest against his own policies
March 18, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Iain Duncan Smith has resigned as Work and Pensions secretary citing his own policies as a step too far. “I wouldn’t want to be part of a Government that would let someone as unpleasant as me form policies. It’s a step too far my precious.” He explained. It’s thought that Mr Duncan Smith had revelled […]
Francis Bacon self-portrait vandalised by monkey with a sponge
March 18, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Sotheby’s have admitted they will be lucky to get any serious bids for a rare self-portrait by Francis Bacon after it appears to have been vandalised by some sort of demented monkey with a sponge, thus leaving it looking nothing like him. A spokesman for the prestigious auction house said “It’s all smudged. This is […]
Coca-Cola to include cocaine again
March 17, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Coca-Cola are to get round the sugar tax by replacing some of the sugar in its drinks with cocaine according to a statement released by the ultra-sugary drinks giant this morning.
Poor and disabled people celebrate reduction in corporation tax
March 16, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Poor and disabled people throughout Britain have been cracking open the metaphorical champagne following the news that the Government has decided to reduce corporation tax from 20% to 17%.
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