The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
UKIP leader Nigel Farage has spoken today of his fury that his own image is no longer viewable on popular social network site Facebook due to new rules regarding the display of photographic images of tits, arses and bell-ends. Speaking via the ruder and more sweary site Twitter, Mr Farage said “I’m shocked, outraged and […]
The Thompson Twins have been confirmed to headline Glastonbury festival according to organiser and land owner Michael Eavis. “It’s taken a lot of negotiation. We didn’t know where they were, we didn’t know what they look like now, and we weren’t even sure if they still lived together in the same house. Indeed, the band […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne is most likely to spend the vast majority of a potential second term in Government languishing in a huge pile of spangles, toffos and sherbet fountains as rumours circulate that the new budget will prohibit everyone from eating sweets except him. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show this morning […]
Employers will be legally able to deny jobs to foreigners, women, lefties and gay people in favour of goose stepping shaven headed nationalists adorned in full nazi regalia, should UKIP hold the balance of power following May’s General Election according to leader Nigel Farage. Speaking in an interview on popular radio station Common Sense FM, […]
Jeremy Clarkson is thought to be seriously considering a job in South America after a petition signed by almost 500,000 people, all Argentinians, has asked for him to go over and present his unique blend of jingoistic banter and motoring information over there. President of Argentina and self confessed Anglophile Cristina Fernández de Kirchner said […]
Alan Titchmarsh has been hotly tipped to replace Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear according to BBC sources. The green fingered Housewives’ favourite is thought to be a breath of fresh air from Clarkson, widely known as the curly haired bastard love child of Prince Philip who has graced our screens since the 1980s but has […]
The Green Party have pledged at least 30% more sunshine and flowers should they be voted in to power in the General election in May. The pledges are part of their recently released manifesto which also promises 28% more skipping. 13% more fluffy bunnies, and 41% more sitting round a fire with an acoustic guitar […]
Anticipated spectators of 2015’s Eurovision song contest due to be held in Vienna in May have been urged by experts to start drinking alcohol immediately and in great quantities, in order to survive the relentless battering of absolute bollocks to the auditory cortex, which is widely tipped to be the worst since 1976. The move […]
Nigerian militant group Boko Haram has pledged allegiance to 1990s electronic music band 808 State , according to an audio statement released this morning. The message, which has not been verified, was posted on Boko Haram’s Twitter account and is believed to be by the group’s leader, Abubakar Shekau who said: “We pledge to enhance […]
The National Association of Burglars has today come out in full support of Government plans to cut funding for all forces by 5% over the next 5 years. A spokesman for the Association said that the last thing today’s burglar needed was constant interference from a police officer who is often completely out of touch […]
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