The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Swirling clouds spotted on Mars could mean some sort of invasion of earth by some sort of alien race, scientists admitted today. A spokesman from Jodrell Bank Observatory told us “We thought Mars did not have an atmosphere, but now it has clouds it clearly does. Or maybe it doesn’t. And that might be even […]
Tax evading tycoon Paul Bloomfield is said to be having a wank in a big pile of money this morning at news that HMRC are unable to sting him for a penny of his £60 million plus fortune. Speaking candidly via his diamond encrustred cellphone and giving an explanation peppered with intermittent groaning the contribution […]
Former weather man Fred Talbot indecently assaulted the weather using his position of power and influence to force himself on meteorological variations who were powerless to stop him. Announcing the guilty verdict, presiding Judge Timothy Mort summarised that under the guise of a temperature predicting clown who jumped around a floating map of Britain to […]
Lenders ranging from banks to pay day loan companies are thought to be furious at news that negative inflation forecast for later in the year could mean having to pay interest to people who have borrowed from them. Governor of the Bank of England, Mark Carney, explained that in a society such as ours that […]
Wealthy Tory donors and other assorted friends of the Prime Minister will take their tax evasion elsewhere and fail to contribute to the public coffers in a completely different country unless left alone to do whatever they like, David Cameron has warned today. Speaking at a packed press conference an incensed Mr Cameron said that […]
Australian band Midnight Oil are already being tipped as likely winners of the Eurovision song contest 2015 with their song “Beds are burning” Though this will be the first time the country have entered the competition due to it being in completely the wrong continent, the show has a long tradition of being broadcast in […]
Russian Premier Vladimir Putin has today laid the blame of the Ukraine crisis very firmly at the doors of the cartoon character Peppa Pig. In his toughest rhetoric yet on the matter Mr Putin said “Nobody wants peace more than I do. But whilst a family of talking cartoon pigs live in a house on […]
Prince Charles will abandon the democratic system the moment he is king and will rule Britain with a rod of iron a bit like Henry VIII or Kim Jong-Un according to palace insiders. Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell said “He’s been meeting with other kings and Princes over in the middle east, and he’s also been […]
America is set to ban the import of the British delicacy of dog eggs amidst apparent concerns about the ingredients according to reports released today via International press agency Reuters. The move is set to anger ex pats and American anglophiles already reeling from the bans on Chocolate, fois gras, and Newcastle Brown Ale, and […]
Labour leader Ed Miliband has promised to intervene in plans for 99p stores to start charging a pound. Speaking to a heaving press conference Mr Miliband said “There’s a cost of living crisis and fat cats putting the price of things up to a quid is just taking the piss. I’ve never been in one […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.