The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Following his appointment this morning after the shock resignation of Maria Miller, the former Financial Secretary to the Treasury Sajid Javid has been defending his position to critics who say he should resign amidst accusations of stealing from the treasury, lying to the press and strangling a cat. One parliamentary insider told us “The writings […]
The Queen is said by Royal sources to be ‘deeply disappointed’ that the President of Ireland who arrived today for a state visit is not actually Bono out of 1980s rock band U2. A palace insider told us “It was just a shock for her. Every time she turned on the TV that Bono was […]
Hi I’m David Cameron Prime Minister of United Kingdom and the Falkland Islands and I’ve got myself into a spot of bother. I’ve got a Culture Secretary who’s been up to all sorts of dodgy shenanigans and I’m not sure what to do about it. So I’ve decided to join forces with popular family publication […]
Chaotic scenes surrounded Sheffield this morning after organisers cancelled the entire city due to a lack of water for runners at it’s annual half marathon. South Yorkshire Police said that they had originally thought of just cancelling the race but later decided that cancellation of the city itself was the best course of action with […]
Culture Secretary Maria Miller is to gradually phase out expenses fraud and threats to press until such time that she is barely doing either at all, according to a statement issued this morning. “It’s part of a gradual phase out. Originally I was falsely claiming on mortgage payments. Today all I’ve done is buy a […]
The only humane way to cull badgers is by introducing them to alcohol, cigarettes and crack cocaine according to the Princess Royal. Speaking to BBC One’s Countryfile programme at her Gatcombe Park estate, Princess Anne explained “The trouble with badgers is they live quite a healthy lifestyle. All those root vegetables they scoff mean that […]
Smokers throughout the country are today celebrating the Government’s decision to remove branding from cigarettes, making it impossible to distinguish which brand you have, and thus making smoking more unpredictable and exciting. One smoker in Australia which legislated to make smoking more fun 2 years ago explained “Life used to be so bloody predictable when […]
Britain must shut it’s borders indefinitely and let British people interbreed until they all grow at least one extra finger according to UKIP leader Nigel Farage. Speaking this evening during his debate on Europe with Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, Mr Farage told us “We need to shut the ports, close the airports and fester […]
A new study published today has urged people to consider their health and stick to eating animals that have eaten not just five but at least seven portions of fruit and vegetables a day. Lead investigator Dr Oyinlola Oyebode said “We would suggest that people just ate seven portions of fruit and vegetables themselves but […]
A man on the television has today told members of the public that rather than the world heading straight for an environmental apocalypse, it’s actually all going to be fine. Speaking to housewives, the long term unemployed and people taking a crafty sickie, under the guise of a conversation with Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby […]
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