The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Prime Minister David Cameron has voiced an impassioned plea to the general public to only shoot live ammunition at Trick or Treaters as a very last resort. Speaking on ITV’s daybreak, he told the nation that whilst nobody should have to endure home visits from people dressed up as creatures of the night, firearm usage […]
Multinational beverage corporation Coca Cola has today issued a statement hailing David Cameron as their ‘special little soldier’ following his decision today to rule out taxing sugary drinks. Part of the statement reads “We’re very grateful that David has seen sense and children are now able to spend all their pocket money on carbonated drinks […]
Conservative mayoral candidate Zac Goldsmith will hand over many of his day to day mayoral duties to his butler whilst he himself engages in such activities as eating canapés, drinking champagne and fart-arsing around on his yacht, should he win the election in May 2016. Speaking to a selection of constituents at the opening of […]
Native Americans are celebrating today following Republican leadership hopeful Donald Trump’s assurances that should he become President then all immigrants and descendants of immigrants including himself will be sent back to their own countries. Mr Trump, full name Donald Trumpety-Trump said “Who do you trust to kick out all immigrants including myself. Trump! And you […]
A Jeremy Corbyn led Labour Government will bring back analogue TV, returning Britain to a world where you change channels with a dial whilst someone else arses about with the aerial trying in vain to get a decent picture, according to stark warnings from David Cameron. In an impassioned speech the Prime Minister warned that […]
Britain is to trial making gun ownership legal following its resounding success in America and the many convincing arguments from republicans that this freedom to bear arms thing is actually very good idea. Prime Minister David Cameron said “You might think our cousins from over the pond are psychopathic buffoons with their insistence on keeping […]
Landlords will be directly responsible for recently much maligned clown houses according to new legislation announced today by Prime Minister David Cameron. The legislation stipulates that Landlords must assess all their tenants for clown type tendencies and Mr Cameron warned that repeat offenders would risk prosecution and even imprisonment. Whilst no-one wants to live next […]
Posh blokes on horses have reportedly been spending a last few affectionate hours with their hounds following the failure of a government bill to re-legalise hunting foxes with dogs meaning the only loophole now available is to hunt dogs with foxes. A spokesman for the countryside alliance said “I’ve tried bondage but it just didn’t […]
Dead people will no longer be able to simply lie underground or float around in the form of minute particles dispersed throughout the atmosphere without putting their hands in their pockets, according to a joint statement made today by Prime Minister David Cameron and Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith. Speaking in unison to […]
Scotland’s First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has described legislation that stops Scottish MPs voting retrospectively on the winning act in the 1976 Eurovision Song Contest as “Unacceptable”. Incensed that the winning song, ‘Save all your kisses for me’ by Brotherhood of Man, was seemingly pushed through without any consultation of Scottish MPs Ms Sturgeon said: “You […]
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