The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Stock market traders in London, Paris and Frankfurt have slightly lowered their proposed bonus expectations as fears of a Chinese economic slowdown continue to worry state endorsed corporate gamblers worldwide. Selfishly other people have just carried on with their lives. One trader told us of the sorrow he felt at the prospect of an annual […]
Former Labour leader Neil Kinnock has described reports of him being banned from voting in the forthcoming Labour leadership contest as “a storm in a teacup”. “I don’t even care.” He confirmed. Mr Kinnock is understood to have failed a series of increasingly stringent tests designed to weed out people who might be voting to […]
Sir John Chilcott is planning to take a year off from the enquiry he is heading into the Iraq war, according to sources close to the laid back investigator. Having started it in 2009, Sir John has reportedly been considering widening his CV by perhaps going to work on a kibbutz or perhaps a ranch […]
Iain Duncan Smith is reportedly off to the pub with his imaginary friends this evening after a hard day’s fabricating stories from fictional benefits claimants. Dressed in his evening attire and ready for a night on the tiles, the Work and pensions Secretary told us “I may have bent the truth a little bit regarding […]
Faceless corporations owned by private equity firms have come together as one to warn the public against voting for someone they might like, as opposed to a private sector endorsed, clinical corporate puppet worshipping at the shrine of year on year growth. A number of multinationals, speaking through the mediums of Tony Blair, Andy Burnham […]
Hi I’m Mark Steele. I’m a cheeky young lefty chappy in his fifties. I was just reading about Spanish authorities charging Germans for leaving their towels on sun loungers over night. And I thought to myself, this is our fault. More to the point it’s Thatcher’s. Ok everyone knows that the Germans annexe every bit […]
Disabled people throughout Britain have told of their immense pride and honour at being able to pay for the loss making Government sell-off of the Royal Bank of Scotland through cuts to their benefits. People with disabilities throughout the UK are thought to be descending on the houses of parliament en masse to thank the […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has promised to build a moat between Dover and Calais in an attempt to stop illegal immigrants and asylum seekers literally walking over the border. Speaking to a heaving press conference the Prime Minister said “The situation in Calais is not acceptable and it is absolutely this government’s priority to deal […]
Career politicians throughout the Labour Party have come together en masse to say “Ooh no! Don’t shift left. Think about us and our important careers. What if we don’t get elected? What if we do get elected and have to promise to feed everyone or something? This nonsense has to stop.” Former Leadership favourite until […]
Acting Labour Leader Harriet Harman has promised that despite a minor rebellion from do-gooders, Labour will now concentrate on taking a monumental shit on all poor people, albeit compassionately and fairly. Speaking to a heaving press conference the hapless interim said “We must listen to the voters and defecate on poor people from a great […]
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