The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Glastonbury festival is thought to be under threat today following news that McCarthy and Stone have received planning permission to build a retirement complex just yards from where the main stage would normally be situated. Land owner Michael Eavis said “I was initially against the idea but then it occurred to me that I’ve had […]
The BBC used its influence as Britain’s most senior television channel to molest other TV channels over several decades, according to results of an inquiry released today. One industry source told us “It was all a picture of decency until the end of the day’s programmes. There was a quick round of God Save the […]
Matt Le Blanc has been called in to co-host Top Gear, in a last ditch attempt to flog a dead horse before finally sending it to the knackers yard. A spokesman for the BBC defending the move said “Unless we get casual racism from a big teethy bloke with curly hair, no-ones interested in cars […]
Children’s favourite television abode Justin’s House has been exposed as a front for a weed factory according to police sources. A spokesman for the Met told us “The whole place is covered in heavy duty lights, our spotter planes keep picking it up through infa-red detection, it’s a weed factory all day long. I mean, […]
Protesters at Portsmouth University have told of their disappointment today at the management’s decision to keep its controversial 20 foot statue of Jim Davidson. A spokesman for the University said that they had listened to the protesters but concluded that they will have all pissed off somewhere else in 3 years time having finished their […]
Commiserations and messages of sympathy have been coming in thick and fast from around the music industry today, following reports that Rapper B.o.B sadly fell off the edge of the earth in an attempt to prove to the scientific world that the earth was indeed flat, and that you could fall off it. “Obviously it’s […]
One Direction hate their fans and prefer the company of people who can’t stand their music according to shock admissions from sources within the band. “They’re annoying and they’ve got stupid little mouths.” Front man Harry Styles explained. “We don’t want to keep hearing how good our music is because it isn’t. I wrote the […]
Kanye West has been nominated for the prestigious Oscars for his compelling performance as a twat it was revealed today. Though the winners of the coveted awards will not be announced until the ceremony later in February, Mr West is already thought to be the bookies favourite after a continuous execution of the role throughout […]
Media mogul Rupert Murdoch and actress-model Jerry Hall are to have an extended honeymoon in Milton Keynes following their recently announced wedding, planned for later on in the year. One News Corp insider said “They’ve been to every posh restaurant and stayed in every 6 star hotel on the planet. They shit opulence. I think […]
Pasty eating pint swilling Prime Minister, man of the people and common or garden bloke next door David Cameron, is now a huge Bowie fan, and will be lamenting the demise of the ground-breaking musician by listening to all his music for the first time. “It’s like part of my heart has been torn away” […]
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