The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Hi I’m Mark Steele. I’m a cheeky young lefty chappy in his fifties. I was just reading about Spanish authorities charging Germans for leaving their towels on sun loungers over night. And I thought to myself, this is our fault. More to the point it’s Thatcher’s. Ok everyone knows that the Germans annexe every bit […]
More than 300,000 households in Lancashire have been warned by the Department of Health to only drink alcoholic drinks after reports that all their water is now contaminated with a microbial parasite. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt said “We’re going to sort it out at some point in the next few days, but until then all […]
Prolific hipster Anjem Choudary has appeared at Westminster Magistrates Court today in what is expected to be a long awaited crackdown on hipsters and hipster-like activity. The arrest of Mr Choudary and some of his hipster associates is thought to have coincided with a video showing him telling his audience to shun supermarket breakfast cereals […]
Landlords will be directly responsible for recently much maligned clown houses according to new legislation announced today by Prime Minister David Cameron. The legislation stipulates that Landlords must assess all their tenants for clown type tendencies and Mr Cameron warned that repeat offenders would risk prosecution and even imprisonment. Whilst no-one wants to live next […]
A cyclist on Southsea seafront has given his clearest indication yet that he might just might use the massive cycle lane, that the entire road was narrowed and reconstructed in order to accommodate, just fucking once. “I’d rather hold up the traffic on the road or have near misses with people, children and dogs on […]
Posh blokes on horses have reportedly been spending a last few affectionate hours with their hounds following the failure of a government bill to re-legalise hunting foxes with dogs meaning the only loophole now available is to hunt dogs with foxes. A spokesman for the countryside alliance said “I’ve tried bondage but it just didn’t […]
The Government will be forcing unwell children to do competitive sports as part of their ‘make people do things that they’re not up to’ drive. Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith said “They’re faking it. Having temperatures and saying achoo a lot doesn’t mean that they can’t spend two hours a week running around […]
Scientists have urged the British public to stay calm and not panic over the possibility that Britain might at some point be hit by an asteroid. Speaking to a heaving press conference Professor Brian Cox explained “At some point something is going to collide with something else. And if one of those things is Britain […]
Beaches throughout Great Britain are set to become chargeable as part of new reforms announced today by Home Secretary Theresa May. The charges which are thought to be set at £8 per person per day, or £11 if you want to go in the sea, will come in to place in August and will be […]
Blokes who wear red trousers are exposing themselves and others to a wide variety of health issues according to a report released today by the Department of Health. The report is thought to be the first to make a firm connection between wearing red trousers and symptoms such as sticking out a mile on country […]
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