The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Deputy Prime Minister and Leader of the Liberal Democrats Nick Clegg has confirmed this morning that whilst he will not be heeding calls to step down from either position, he would be willing to grow a patch of facial hair above the lip in order to revive the fortunes of the ailing party. The statement […]
Former Prime Minister Blair has warned western leaders that they must put aside their differences with Russia over Ukraine to focus on the threat of warmongering religious fanatics, except him. In a speech Mr Blair, now a middle east envoy said: “Alright, Putin invades Ukraine now and again and goes to church a bit, but […]
David Cameron, God and the Rightly Reverend Justin Welby are all being called to account today as it has transpired that at least one of the three Eastery bank holidays is actually on a Sunday. One protester we spoke to Bert Onions was pitching a tent outside Parliament where he told us he was planning […]
What appears to be a man dressed up in a rabbit costume has this morning issued a countrywide plea to the public to shun organised religion and remember the real meaning of Easter. “It’s all about the eggs, ideally ones that are mass produced by huge corporate confectionery companies. My job is to deliver chocolate […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has said he feels confident of the Christian vote at the next election because he feels that he himself is a bit like Jesus. Speaking on BBC Radio Norfolk, the Premier was explaining the true meaning of Easter when he likened himself to the hapless deity. “Now we’re all looking forward […]
Culture Secretary Maria Miller is to gradually phase out expenses fraud and threats to press until such time that she is barely doing either at all, according to a statement issued this morning. “It’s part of a gradual phase out. Originally I was falsely claiming on mortgage payments. Today all I’ve done is buy a […]
Old people throughout Britain are already starting to piss their pension pots up the wall following Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne’s announcement that they no longer have to buy an annuity with their pension pots and are well within their rights to blow it in one night. One pensioner we spoke to told us […]
Absolutely everyone is scaremongering about everything according to SNP leader and First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show, Mr Salmond explained “George Osborne, Ed Balls, Danny Alexander are all ruling out any shared currency agreements with an independent Scotland. They don’t mean it. They’re scaremongering. European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso, […]
A spokesman for the British Chiropractic Association has gone on record to say “It’s all bollocks. It doesn’t do anything. We just like punching people in the back.” “You have to see it from our point of view. We tell you people that we can cure your back pain by punching you in the back […]
Ed the duck, 1990s co-host of TV’s “The Broom Cupboard”, has been named as a calculating and devious sexual predator by a number of members of the public and BBC staff who have contacted Scotland Yard in the last 48 hours. Co-host Andy Peters told News Toad “Of course I always suspected that something wasn’t […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.