The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The ill fated Lib Dems are widely reported to have turned a corner this afternoon following the announcement that fictional potato based cartoon character Mr Potato is to take over as leader. Though like Nicola Sturgeon, not actually an MP, the popular Euro-spud is widely predicted to shake the party up by doing some things […]
A cyclist on Southsea seafront has given his clearest indication yet that he might just might use the massive cycle lane, that the entire road was narrowed and reconstructed in order to accommodate, just fucking once. “I’d rather hold up the traffic on the road or have near misses with people, children and dogs on […]
Posh blokes on horses have reportedly been spending a last few affectionate hours with their hounds following the failure of a government bill to re-legalise hunting foxes with dogs meaning the only loophole now available is to hunt dogs with foxes. A spokesman for the countryside alliance said “I’ve tried bondage but it just didn’t […]
Dead people will no longer be able to simply lie underground or float around in the form of minute particles dispersed throughout the atmosphere without putting their hands in their pockets, according to a joint statement made today by Prime Minister David Cameron and Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith. Speaking in unison to […]
Scotland’s First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has described legislation that stops Scottish MPs voting retrospectively on the winning act in the 1976 Eurovision Song Contest as “Unacceptable”. Incensed that the winning song, ‘Save all your kisses for me’ by Brotherhood of Man, was seemingly pushed through without any consultation of Scottish MPs Ms Sturgeon said: “You […]
Public Sector workers will be required to pay back any remuneration they have received during their employment as part of George Osborne’s loans not wages policy announced during his emergency budget speech today. Addressing parliament and flanked by a smiling Iain Duncan Smith the Chancellor said “We’ve stopped financial assistance for students from poorer families […]
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith is to get his own show as part of tough new stipulations on the BBC announced today. The Government has denied that it will be directly commissioning programmes but has insisted that certain impartial Government ministers be employed to host a handful of popular shows as a caveat […]
Eurozone finance ministers are thought to be seriously considering Greece’s proposal that, rather than discuss a new bail out, they actually take the whole debt and shove it up their arse. The proposal comes following a widely publicised referendum where they Greek people chose rectally depositing their debt as opposed to the other two options […]
All social housing is set to be refitted with lower ceilings as part of a new Government scheme to fit more people in a block of flats. The ambitious scheme was defended this morning on the Andrew Marr show by George Osborne who explained: “In days of yore people were shorter, mainly due to poor […]
Americans throughout America are today celebrating 240 years of independence from the UK and the subsequent freedoms associated with it, such as eating incredibly shit chocolate and running around shooting each other. One reveller told us “If the UK was still in charge they’d have taken away all our guns. In fact we probably wouldn’t […]
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