The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
1960’s TV desert island castaways the Swiss Family Robinson are understood to have crossed the border in to Syria, in an alarming trend of fictional characters from the west leaving their relatively safe plot lines to join Islamic State. One expert told us that whilst the reasons for their trip were largely unknown he was […]
Cartoon athlete Billy Whizz has denied accusations that he deliberately missed drug tests throughout the 1980s when he enjoyed the accolade of World’s fastest boy. Lawyers representing the Beano have robustly denied any drug abuse within the comic citing as an example a weekly story about unruly school children who live on Bash street, who […]
Top Gear will be departing from it’s misogynistic roots by featuring a bird every week who tells us whether she prefers a pink car or a white car, according to new presenter Chris Evans. “I’ll never get accused of sexism if there’s a bird on it.” He explained cheerfully. Sandy Toksvig who is the bookie’s […]
Fracking is absolutely safe and everyone should be doing it in their own back gardens according to a new report by Lancashire County Council which looks set to be used as a blue print for the country as a whole. The report entitled ‘random drilling and shooting jets of water at great velocity into the […]
Britain must sell its own Grandmothers to whichever corporation either offers the best price or has Tory party donors on its board of directors according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at an event celebrating 800 years of the Magna Carta the Prime Minister explained that whilst such a policy was not proposed in 1215, […]
Former Respect MP and Big Brother contestant George Galloway has said that he will not stop on his political mission until everyone in Britain has stopped whatever else they are doing and is listening to him. Famous for holding a parliamentary seat in Bradford West for half a term and pretending to be a cat […]
Scientists are predicting a significant increase in life expectancy for people who eat a certain type of food that when chewed, swallowed and ingested could add up to 12 years to your life. At least. The study is thought to have come from scientific research of a number of people eating different types of food […]
An Australian couple has vowed to divorce “as a matter of conscience” unless societies across the English speaking world, reverse their apparent relaxed attitude to incorrect placement of apostrophes. Speaking to a heaving press conference married couple and grammar purist’s Nick and Sarah Jensen told us “We walked past a car supermarket which advertised Ford’s, […]
Take That songsmith Gary Barlow is said to be “jubilant, delighted and over the moon” following news that he is going to be knighted once again as part of the Queen’s birthday honours list. The inland revenue dodging songsmith who has reportedly played at a number of cabinet members’ birthday parties will now be known […]
Scientists have admitted that they are at a loss to explain why Stonehenge appears to be producing electricity at a rate that seems to be increasing every day as we move towards the summer solstice. A spokesman for the National Trust said “We’re not sure why this is suddenly happening but it seems you can […]
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