The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Absolutely everyone is scaremongering about everything according to SNP leader and First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show, Mr Salmond explained “George Osborne, Ed Balls, Danny Alexander are all ruling out any shared currency agreements with an independent Scotland. They don’t mean it. They’re scaremongering. European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso, […]
A spokesman for the British Chiropractic Association has gone on record to say “It’s all bollocks. It doesn’t do anything. We just like punching people in the back.” “You have to see it from our point of view. We tell you people that we can cure your back pain by punching you in the back […]
Former Happy Mondays and Black Grape dancer Bez will add a little bit of spice to Prime Minister’s question time by dancing through the entire parliamentary session whilst shaking a pair of Maracas, should he succeed in his bid to be elected independent Member of Parliament for Salford in 2015. Bez, real name Mark Berry […]
Supermarket chain Morrisons have come under fire today after suspicions from customers that their much advertised ‘Market Street’ actually isn’t one. One frustrated would be market trader told us “It’s infuriating. I’ve been turning up with a van load of bananas at 4am every morning for the last 8 years. You would have thought they’d […]
First it was horse. And now it’s a different type of horse. The food industry is again under the spotlight as it has emerged that as well as being high in salt and sugar, many brand name processed foods and ready meals actually contain a high percentage of heroin, in some cases significantly more that […]
Eighth in line to the throne Prince Edward has marked his 50th birthday today with the sad news that he will be retiring from the things that he does, whatever they might be, with immediate effect. Speaking from outside Buckingham Palace, where he was due to celebrate his half century with other royals and fellow […]
A Labour government will tax all bad people and give every single person a job according to new measures announced today by shadow chancellor Ed Balls. “Nobody likes bad people so it’s only fair that they contribute to a state orchestrated facade of full employment. We’ll be asking the public to demonise various stereotypes on […]
Ed the duck, 1990s co-host of TV’s “The Broom Cupboard”, has been named as a calculating and devious sexual predator by a number of members of the public and BBC staff who have contacted Scotland Yard in the last 48 hours. Co-host Andy Peters told News Toad “Of course I always suspected that something wasn’t […]
The new owners of South Parade Pier, who have asked to remain anonymous, have ruled out the possibility of an imminent, accidental fire leaving it irreparable but covered by insurance. A spokesman for the new mystery owner issues the following statement. “It is out of the question that the pier, which is said to require £3 […]
Under cover police may still be required to wear police helmets at all times according to the findings of a recent investigation into the conduct of under cover police. Seen as heralding a new era of openness and transparency, the move comes as many people claim to have been ‘fooled’ by policemen pretending not to […]
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