The Pope has been called on today to ditch his antiquated religious garb from the middle ages and wear swimming trunks round the clock on the off chance that he fancies a dip in the sea.
Prison extremists to be played Black Lace songs
August 22, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Islamic extremists in prison will be required to listen to songs by 1980s holiday dance outfit Black Lace, piped in so loud that it will drown out any attempts to exert a radicalising influence on other inmates.
Corbyn urged to stop sitting on roof of trains
August 18, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has told critics he will carry on sitting on the roof of trains and ducking at tunnels indefinitely, even if he becomes Prime Minister and whether there are seats available or not.
Lineker presents MOTD whilst taking a shit
August 14, 2016 by 1 Comment
Gary Lineker kept his promise and introduced the opening Match of the Day of the new season whilst taking a shit.
Trump shock at news shooting his opponent means he’ll just get another opponent
August 10, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Presidential hopeful Donald Trump has told of his shock today at finding out that if someone shoots Hilary Clinton he won’t automatically become President and the Democrats will just choose another opponent for him.
Labour to expel all its members
August 8, 2016 by 5 Comments
The Labour party is to expel all its members before they can vote in the forthcoming leadership election and choose the wrong leader, according to a senior party source today.
Modern medicine to blame as non-vaccinated people catch measles at festivals
August 8, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Pharmaceutical companies and so-called Doctors have been asked to account for the fact that people have been catching measles at festivals despite being at one with the earth and never having been vaccinated.
Bloke having crisis on Facebook found enjoying himself in pub
July 27, 2016 by Leave a Comment
A man having an apparent crisis on Facebook has been found safe and sound, not upset at all and enjoying a pint in his local.
“Promise our wages won’t go up” British workers implore May
July 27, 2016 by 1 Comment
British workers have asked Prime Minister Theresa May for cast iron guarantees that their wages will carry on falling, and to ensure that they don’t have enough money to pay bills and get ideas above their station.
“Someone should have warned us about a recession” say Brexiters
July 22, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Furious Brexiters are criticising economists and credit agencies today for not warning them that stepping out of the largest free market in the world would somehow cause a clusterfuck of a recession.
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