The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Share prices for Premier foods have taken yet another hit this morning at news that the figurehead of one of it’s biggest brands Mr Kipling has been arrested under operation Yew tree. Drawing unsuspecting people in under the premise of “Exceedingly good cakes” the seemingly kindly face of mass produced mediocre pastries belied a more […]
A spokesman for the Connaught theatre in Worthing has confirmed that after being approached every year since 1979, iconic American comedian Bill Cosby has finally agreed to play the lead role of Aladdin in this years pantomime. One inside source at the theatre told us “He’s moderately funny yet also squeaky clean and that’s just […]
Residents of the market town of Bicester are said to be divided over news that it is to be expanded by up to 100% before being turned into a giant brothel servicing the needs of shifty looking men throughout the home counties. Some locals have hailed the project as one that will put Bicester on […]
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith is reported to be incandescent with rage following reports that a man on benefits has adorned his house with Christmas lighting and decorations to an estimated value of £640,000 all at the expense of the public purse. Colin Darr of Whiteley Hampshire recently hit the headlines after managing […]
The BBC has confirmed today that former A-team star Mr T will be the latest in a long line of celebrities to join the cast of hit soap opera Eastenders. An spokesman for the long running soap told us “Phil Mitchell’s used to being the hard man of the square. But the moment Mr T […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has pledged £2 billion of public money to some of his former schoolmates via the formality of the NHS which he has helped sell to his rich chums. The news released in the middle of the night on Saturday has been heralded by the owners of private healthcare suppliers […]
Supermarkets throughout Britain are urging the public to stop whinging on about their filthy chickens and get on with the serious business of panic buying all sorts of shit in time for the festive bank holiday later in December. A spokesman for the National Association of Supermarkets explained “We could spend money on non-filthy chickens […]
Labour Leader Ed Miliband has said that he will fight every step of the way to keep his leadership and stand for Prime Minister in the forthcoming 2015 elections, as news broke that he has been formally challenged to a leadership vote by a slice of toast. One Labour insider told us “It was just […]
Britain’s Supermarkets apart from Iceland have told shareholders to stay calm at the news that ancient foraging laws mean they are unable legally to charge for fruit, meat or vegetables on the proviso that they could have been picked, dug up or hunted in Britain. A spokesman for the National Association of foragers told us […]
Newly appointed UKIP MP Mark Reckless has told of his rage that the now famous Rochester show home and white van rather than being a symbol for working class white Britain were in fact both filled to the brim with illegal immigrants. Foaming at the mouth Mr Reckless bemoaned “The flags and the white van […]
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