The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Supermarkets throughout Britain are to stop selling hairy cornflakes with immediate effect after former radio one DJ and inspiration for the popular breakfast cereal Dave Lee Travis has today been found guilty of indecent assault. The verdict has seen boxes vanish from shelves at an unprecedented rate, perhaps only equalled by the sudden evacuation of […]
Supermarket giant Tesco is said to be taking the unusual step of beating its staff to within an inch of their lives using a shitty stick in order to get to the bottom of how its projected half year profits were overstated by £250 million. Tesco CEO Dave lewis told us “We’ve tried paying our […]
David Cameron has confirmed this morning that he will be offering the Scots the power of love in lieu of his pre-referendum devolution pledge. Speaking to members of the press, the Prime Minister explained “We had originally offered the Scottish Parliament greater autonomy in terms of taxation and welfare but it has come to our […]
Daily Mail readers are to get their own parliament as discussions regarding regional devolution progress and following the acceptance that some people live not in a particular geographical location, but in a mythical version of Britain that is only in their head. A spokesman for the Daily Mail has described the move as a victory […]
People across the British Isles have been celebrating throughout the night at news that and English Parliament, a London Parliament, a Cornwall parliament, an East Anglian Parliament and a Manchester Parliament on top of bigger Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish Assemblies mean lots and lots more politicians wittering on incessantly, and troughing it up, all […]
Scotland must go to its bedroom and stay there until it’s taken a good hard look at itself and is ready to join the rest of the United Kingdom without being Mr Shouty, according to Prime Minister of England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland, David Cameron “We’ve all had a good jolly. But it all […]
An independent Scotland will resemble the planet of the apes after a few generations away from Westminster rule according to predictions from a leading London think tank. Speaking in Aberdeen this afternoon, Prime Minister David Cameron said the report should serve as a stark warning to those who feel Scotland should go it alone. “After […]
Brand new students have come together as one to beg parents who haven’t left yet after dropping them off at their respective university towns and show no signs of doing so, that they should all stay indefinitely in order to relive their own student days through their offspring. “I want every experience I have to […]
Volunteers are already assembling in Amesbury, Wiltshire this morning to give Stonehenge a much needed lick of paint in what is thought to be the largest organised multi-colour painting of an ancient monument in recent history. Chief Druid Arthur Uther Pendragon told us “The trouble with Stonehenge is that it was built 4.5k years ago […]
A spokesman for the National Association of Dealers has warned that retail prices for recreational drugs could go up in the event of a yes vote. “Up until now, any time we want to bring a big bag of dirty rugs into the country we just stick them in the back of a Ford […]
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