The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
British “astronaut” Tim Peake is not on a space station at all and is merely sitting in his living room in Putney which he has redecorated to look like a space capsule according to leading experts. Speaking via the medium of Facebook one expert told us: “Wise up sheeple! The whole thing’s been fabricated. If […]
The Scottish Parliament have refused to deny that they are building a wicker man for Donald Trump’s next visit to the British Isles. Some 60 foot high and erected on Mr Trump’s own golf course, it’s thought that the locals plan to lure the toupeed tycoon into it via some cock and bull story […]
Father Christmas will be expected to report all persons suspected of not being from round here and not being in possession of the relevant papers, according to new Government legislation announced this morning. Home Secretary Theresa May said that anyone thinking they could just come over here and enjoy a pagan festival which was hijacked […]
Climate change is simply stuff’n’nonsense peddled by hippies to mask the real issue that they need to get a job and a haircut, the world climate summit in Paris has concluded today. Representatives from over 200 countries, who had all flown to Paris by plane, are thought to have spent several minutes standing outside in […]
Black-cab drivers are to be forced to forget the knowledge and instead use either a sat-nav or just drive around in circles like a twat hoping to finally stumble on their destination, according to new legislation announced by the Government. David Cameron warned that climbing into a taxi whose driver had some sort of fucking […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has this morning ruled out any state assistance for northerners with fancy water houses which enjoy running water of up to 3 feet high through the downstairs rooms. “I’m all for a northern powerhouse but if they think we’re paying for their oop North surrogate Venice then they can […]
Donald Trump has received yet another set back today from fellow toupee wearers, who have denounced the would be oligarch come wig sporting statesman as an extremist. “Most of us simply put our toupees on in the mornings, adjust them a bit in our lunch breaks and go home to our families in the evenings. […]
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has pleaded for the world to join hands and assist him in the creation of a peaceful loving world, brought about through overt racism and endemic firearm use. Known in the USA as Donald Trumpety-Trump, the toupeed statesman who inherited his fortune, said “If everyone can just look into their […]
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is reportedly having a wank in a big pile of bombs and fast approaching his vinegar strokes. Speaking from outside one of Mr Blair’s homes, where he is reportedly locked in the khasi along with a stash of missiles, a portable TV and a multi-pack of Andrex, a close confidante […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has made an impassioned plea to all MPs to think of year on year growth in the arms sector before voting for any options other than the indiscriminate bombing of Syria. Any move not involving blanket bombing the few remaining bits of Syria that have not already been bombed, he argued, […]
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