The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Parents of children in new designated ‘cutlery free schools’ are set to face hefty fines from Local Education Authorities after warnings that the new ban on eating lunch in school canteens using a knife and fork will be strictly enforced. Increasingly being seen as an imperialistic, jingoistic and islamophobic method of eating, knives and forks […]
Britain has been warned to brace itself for the noisiest winter on record as longtitudinal waves formed from compressions and rarefactions of air are amplified by the gulf stream. A spokesman for the Met office said “I’ve no idea what temperatures we’re going to experience but whatever weather we do have is definitely going to […]
Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has said that he won’t be voting for himself in next years general election as it would be a wasted vote which at best could only result in a pointless outcome. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show and then again on Andrew Neil’s political talk show “Afternoon bollocks” the Lib […]
The entire town of High Wycombe was arrested earlier on today for reasons largely unknown but rumoured to be historic offences. Police sources have refused to confirm details of any charges but has confirmed that a large Buckinghamshire town 29 miles Northwest of London is helping them with their enquiries. And whilst official channels have […]
Fine, upstanding and not all predatory loans company Wonga have today confirmed that they will stop pursuing loans taken out by dogs, cats and babies. A spokesman for the not all parasitical debt mongers explained “We’re well aware that our loans are so easy to get that sometimes dogs, cats or babies can take out […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has promised Britain that if re-elected, a conservative government will protect the NHS until such time as they can sell off every last bit of it and make it like America. Speaking on the final day of the Conservative Party conference Mr Cameron said “I am furious that labour think that […]
Young people should become less reliant on benefits and learn to live on their trust funds according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at the Conservative party conference the premier explained “We need to stop the cycle of young people leaving school and claiming benefits when they could merely tap into their trust funds like […]
Poor people will be expected to donate a vital organ to cover any welfare payments according to new measures announced by George Osborne today. “There’s no such thing as a free lunch” Mr Osborne told Lorraine Kelly in a pre-conference briefing. We have lazy benefit claimants who are not contributing to society yet feel they […]
David Cameron has had to endure yet another blow to his credibility this morning as news broke that 1980s rap and DJ duo Eric B and Rakim have defected to UKIP. Political expert Nick Robinson told us “They actually can’t vote themselves as they come from Long Island, New York and as far as we’re […]
The RT Reverend Kieran Conry, whose diocese covers Sussex and Surrey, has resigned this week-end after revelations that he had a girlfriend who was of a similar age and entered into a relationship with him under absolutely no coercion. The Catholic Bishop of Arundel and Brighton told reporters that he had brought “shame” on the […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.