The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Iain Duncan Smith has announced this morning that sickness benefit will only be available for 1970s illnesses in part of further changes to the benefits system. “There was none of this long term sickness in the 1970s” he explained to a press conference, “people merely went to bed for a few days with a box […]
Old people must be sent down mines and not allowed up again unless they have dug up something of value in new legislation suggested this morning by Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking this morning on the Andrew Marr show, the wealthy career politician explained “We can’t just have these people working all their lives […]
Mr Eddie Balls, Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer and arguably number two in the ‘same shit different faces’ party has told a press conference that his pledge to stop winter fuel cash payments to old age pensioners once in power is in no way cruel or inhumane, as a new breed of old people will […]
Britain will not give EU immigrants any more benefits unless they are prepared to ride around on the back of a lion, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has warned, after Brussels launched legal action to get him to relax the rules. As part of a new chapter in ‘Compassionate Conservatism’, the Government is […]
People between jobs and struggling to survive on subsistence benefits should minimise food bills by simply tucking into themselves and other benefit claimants, according to Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith. “They all need to get together and decide by rolling dice or playing twister who should be first for the pot. For solitary […]
The Labour party have come out as odds on favourites in the event of a fist fight with the Conservatives, according to recently published data from the Office for National Statistics. A spokesman told us “It’s all very well them standing in parliament arguing about methods of fiscal deficit reduction, but sooner or later it’s […]
David Cameron has been secretly wining and dining the producers of hit TV sports show ‘One man and his dog’ in a bid to round up stray grass roots tories who are determined to have their own opinions on things, according to an unnamed source. “He’s infuriated with trying to come across as a man […]
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has moved forward with his controversial plans to have every British citizen work in a supermarket with today’s announcement “Stack shelves or we’ll shoot you.” Speaking on the Marr show this morning Mr Duncan Smith clarified the Government position on the matter, “I’m sick of all the excuses. […]
Councils throughout Britain are demanding more taxes to wank into a bucket as little is left in the coffers for basic services after the majority of local authority income has been wanked into a bucket. The move will hit households on low incomes, particularly since Iain Duncan Smith has decided that poor people don’t actually […]
Robert Mugabe is to be flown into Britain to offer advice on fiscal policy as part of emergency Government measures, it was revealed today. Having recently brought inflation in his country from a figure of millions down to a mere several thousand per cent and being renowned for his no nonsense policies of bulldozing the […]
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