The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The Bank of England have been urged today to use whatever fiscal powers they have at their disposal as throughout Britain house prices began vibrating for the first time in recent history. One owner of a larger than average house told us “It’s absolutely terrible. If my house is increasing in value then naturally I […]
Furniture stores have been brokering deals with Satan to coerce people into buying sofas on bank holidays through practice of the dark arts, according to the Office of Fair Trading. A spokesman for the OFT told us “Who would even think about buying an expensive sofa on a bank holiday if they were not being […]
The proportion of adults who tell Policemen that they use illegal drugs has fallen to its lowest level since records began, according to the latest crime survey for England and Wales. The report states that drug use is now at it’s lowest since 1996, a notoriously well behaved year when absolutely no one took drugs […]
Employers have come together to agree an impromptu day off for all workers tomorrow. A spokesman for the National Union of Bosses told us. “It’s been a lovely day, and people have obviously had a few beers after lunch, so we’re willing to draw a blind eye if people can’t be arsed to come in. […]
High streets are stupid and should be filled in with concrete according to a recent poll. A bygone era when one could pay thruppence for parking and peruse some haberdashery or 1970s delicacies under one roof at the local Jenkinson, Abdul and Eric department store now seems like a distant memory. Grumpy old man Charlie […]
Following the news that Google have paid virtually no tax in Britain due to knowing a bloke in Ireland, the Prime Minister David Cameron and Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne have also announced that something or other may well change in the near future, possibly with regards to corporate tax law. The subject is […]
Marks and Spencer are set to change their sales approach to reverse declining sales by recruiting a crack team of underpant salesmen. In a move that has seen the high street store poaching staff from used car showrooms, mobile phone shops and double glazing companies the new role is set to see top performers earning […]
David Cameron has today joined other politicians in expressing condemnation at recent revelations that not only have the oil industry been fixing prices, but also allegedly making oil and petrol out of squashed animals. “Look, I don’t think anyone can honestly say they haven’t trodden on a dog or a rabbit at some point in […]
Stoke Mandeville hospital situated right in the heart of extra toe country, is quite used to its fair share of unusual injuries. But staff at accident and emergency were rather taken aback this morning, by the arrival of a local office manager Mike ‘Ted’ Rogers with a full time administrative job inserted firmly into his […]
Tesco’s annual profits have fallen for the first time in almost 20 years, as the UK’s biggest supermarket confirmed it was pulling out of the US. Largely due to the failure of their US supermarket venture “Fat and Shooty”, a spokesman for the chain issued a statement in which he appealed to lost customers on […]
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