Trump supporters deny being “A bit simple”

Donald Trump supporters throughout the USA have hit back at suggestions that they are a bit simple and probably wouldn’t even find their way to the polling station on election day, should Mr Trump be a candidate for the presidency. One Trump fan told us he was furious at suggestions that the only way they […]

“They’re just a bunch of migrants” says leader of a pack of cunts

The leader of a monumentally wealthy pack of cunts that have found themselves born into the ruling classes has this morning denounced all Calais refugees as a bunch of migrants. “They’ve been told by that Jeremy Corbyn that they can simply come over here and have free cake.” Mr Cameron explained whilst simultaneously reaching for […]

Britain First to hold next Christian patrol in Syria

Britain First are set to fly out to Syria to preach Christian values and wave British flags about, following the success of their recent Christian patrol in Luton. Leader Paul Golding said that the trip would prove once and for all that his group was committed to defending British values of tolerance and equality, even […]

Osborne “Economy is being torn to shreds by weasels”

The economy is being torn to shreds by weasels with sharp and pointy teeth and can only be revived by far more stringent austerity measures, according to stark warnings issued today by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne. Speaking on BBC Radio 4’s Today Programme Mr Osborne said “I know I said that I […]

Beheadings promised for beheadings in retaliation for beheadings as punishment for beheadings

Someone somewhere in the middle east or over here has promised revenge or divine retribution after some people had their heads chopped off by way of revenge for some other people having their heads chopped off. One angry Cleric we spoke to said “Our God is a peaceful and merciful God. And we will chop […]

Hunt “No GP call outs for monkeys jumping on the bed”

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has vowed today to press on with cuts to the NHS that would virtually eliminate funds for GPs to carry out home visits where they strongly advise monkeys to desist from jumping on the bed. Speaking on the Marr show, Mr Hunt said “Obviously we expect Doctors to turn up at […]

Breaking! Tony Blair hands himself in to Police

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has reportedly handed himself in to Paddington Green police station where he is still thought to still be helping with enquiries according to eye witnesses. Apparently telling passers by that he “just can’t do this any more” Mr Blair is thought to have arrived at Paddington Green at approximately 8am […]

Paul Golding makes new years honours list

Paul Golding, leader of popular goose-stepping movement Britain First has been included in this year’s honours list for services to keeping Britain racist. A government spokesman said “We can confirm that we will be offering a Lordship, a knighthood or an OBE or something to Mr Paul Golding for services to keep Britain extra Britishy […]

Cameron to visit flood hit Venice

Prime Minister David Cameron is to visit flood hit Venice as a show of solidarity with the locals who have found themselves surrounded by water. Speaking from outside a COBRA meeting regarding the recent flooding, Mr Cameron said that he would personally be travelling to Venice, either by way of private jet or at a […]

Government to sort out flooding with austerity measures

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has confirmed today that the Government will sort out all the recent flooding by way of a series of harsh cuts in public spending. Speaking to people in the north of England via the television, where he was being interviewed in a nice dry government building in a city […]