Blair “Cameron has weapons of mass destruction”

Former Prime Minister and Labour leader Tony Blair has warned the public that they should not vote for David Cameron as he has weapons of mass destruction, that he can mobilise within 45 minutes. Addressing a heaving press conference Mr Blair said “Britain will take a lurch to the right under a conservative only Government. […]

Danny Alexander celebrates his 21st birthday

The Easter week-end has been a time for double celebration for ginger Lib Dem Danny Alexander as the Chief Secretary to the treasury was also celebrating his 21st birthday. Mr Alexander is thought to have toasted his 21st with a select group of friends of a similar age before bringing the festivities to an early […]

Miliband and Cameron refuse to rule out coalition with each other

David Cameron and Ed Miliband have refused to rule out a coalition with each other should the smaller parties start getting too many seats and therefore want to be involved in Government. A spokesman for both parties said “It should be quite straight forward. We’ll do some things we want to do and some things […]

English voters’ anger at news they can’t vote for the nice welsh lady

Yesterdays leadership debate has been branded farcical by many voters across England who were persuaded to give Plaid Cymru their vote only to find out they apparently couldn’t. One incensed viewer from Surrey said “Apparently I can’t vote for the nice Welsh lady. They tease us by putting someone vaguely normal on these debates and then […]

Conservatives sign letter supporting themselves

More than 100 conservatives have declared support for a conservative-led government in a letter published in the Daily Telegraph. The signatories who include conservatives and rich people who vote for or donate to the conservative party have come together to add themselves to a list in a Conservative newspaper. One conservative said “100 is a […]

Cameron “Labour will ban bacon”

David Cameron has warned the electorate in no uncertain terms that a vote for Labour on May 7th will mean bacon sandwiches without any bacon in them, probably eggs and bacon without the bacon either, as Labour would most likely ban bacon the moment that they got into power. Speaking to Andrew Neil the Premier […]

The Queen “If Labour get in I’ll leave the country”

Her Majesty the Queen has said in no uncertain terms today that she will move abroad if Labour get into power following the forthcoming General Election in May. In a move that will only amplify the despair of the nation and Ed Miliband’s woes she has added her name to a list of potential ex-pats […]

Cameron pledges more resources to lying about NHS

A Conservative only Government will earmark extra funding to lying about the NHS according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at the party’s spring forum Mr Cameron said “The NHS is very important to me and we want to keep it as a lovely memory. I for one am going to look back on it […]

Britain First to defend Falklands

Britain First are set to travel to the Falkland Islands to help defend against any threat from Argentina, according to Defence secretary Philip Hammond, who today unveiled a series of measures to bolster the British armed forces without spending any money. Speaking to a heaving press conference Mr Hammond said “They’ve got uniforms, they like […]

Salmond to be given Surrey

Alex salmond will be given Surrey as his own private kingdom to do with whatever he chooses should the SNP hold the balance of power in any future coalition with the Labour party. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Salmond explained that whilst he would still be campaigning for Scottish independence he would himself […]