The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Welfare Minister Lord Freud has apologised for being caught out being a vile shit as he gave his true opinions on people with disabilities. Lord Freud has promised that the views expressed that people with disabilities aren’t worth the minimum wage, were voiced under extenuating circumstances. “It was a conference fringe event where I was […]
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has vowed that medical services throughout the UK will continue unfettered, despite the forthcoming NHS strike, thanks to an army of Reiki Healers, homeopaths and crystal therapists who are to be brought in to cover. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Hunt assured the public that whilst the replacement service […]
Parents of children in new designated ‘cutlery free schools’ are set to face hefty fines from Local Education Authorities after warnings that the new ban on eating lunch in school canteens using a knife and fork will be strictly enforced. Increasingly being seen as an imperialistic, jingoistic and islamophobic method of eating, knives and forks […]
Britain has been warned to brace itself for the noisiest winter on record as longtitudinal waves formed from compressions and rarefactions of air are amplified by the gulf stream. A spokesman for the Met office said “I’ve no idea what temperatures we’re going to experience but whatever weather we do have is definitely going to […]
First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond has confirmed this morning that all politicians, English, Scottish or otherwise are bastards except him. Speaking at today’s press conference the SNP leader and Yes vote monger told us “I’m focussing on people who are in the Better together camp but really even those in the Yes camp are […]
In his strongest hint yet at a move to the No camp, SNP leader Alex Salmond has told a heaving press conference that he sees himself very much as a floating voter. “I have to be honest. This was all supposed to be a protest vote against a very temporary Conservative led coalition, which would […]
Lord Mayor of London Ms Fiona Woolf has vowed to leave not a stone unturned in her pretence of uncovering historical sexual abuse in MPs many of whom she knows socially. “Let me be absolutely clear. The fact that I’ve always worked inside the square mile, am Lord Mayor of London, former president of […]
Football fans have come together to promise the Premier league that they will never ever post goals via vine on twitter again and that they are all jolly sorry that they ever did in the first place. One sorrowful fan told us “We know what we have done is wrong and we’re all wracked […]
Russian premier Vladimir Putin has today pledged support for an international aid mission in Eastern Ukraine by donating a gargantuan metal horse Speaking on TV channel Russia Today Mr Putin said “Eastern Ukranians have endured a terrible time which is obviously nothing to do with us, but we would like to lift everyone’s spirits a […]
Warnings on alcoholic drinks to remind people to have chasers should be mandatory according to the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Alcohol Misuse. Speaking from the house of Commons subsidised bar, group chairwoman and Conservative MP Tracey Crouch told us “With food we encourage people to have a balanced diet and consume a wide variety of […]
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