The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Dull people who cling desperately to the perceived life of celebrities in order to mask the blandness of their own uneventful lives, have begun a three day television vigil in order to ensure they don’t miss a minute of George Clooney’s stupid fucking attention seeking wedding. Clooney, who is best known for playing Joey in […]
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un will need to pull his finger out and get back to public engagements according to healthcare assessment company ATOS who have declared the portly despot fit for work. A spokesman for ATOS said “We have reason to believe that despite his protests to the contrary he’s perfectly fit and […]
The Fall front man Mark E Smith has confirmed today that he will be replacing Jason Orange in Take That with immediate effect. Front man Gary Barlow told us “We needed someone else called orange in a hurry. We couldn’t find one so the nearest we could get was Mark E Smith who’s 1988 album […]
Radical muslim cleric Abu Qatada is in the process of boarding a plane after a not guilty verdict in Jordan means that he is free to carry on his life back in Britain. Thought to be flying first class at the Home Office’s expense sources close to Mr Qatada say that he is looking forward […]
Supermarkets throughout Britain are to stop selling hairy cornflakes with immediate effect after former radio one DJ and inspiration for the popular breakfast cereal Dave Lee Travis has today been found guilty of indecent assault. The verdict has seen boxes vanish from shelves at an unprecedented rate, perhaps only equalled by the sudden evacuation of […]
Supermarket giant Tesco is said to be taking the unusual step of beating its staff to within an inch of their lives using a shitty stick in order to get to the bottom of how its projected half year profits were overstated by £250 million. Tesco CEO Dave lewis told us “We’ve tried paying our […]
David Cameron has confirmed this morning that he will be offering the Scots the power of love in lieu of his pre-referendum devolution pledge. Speaking to members of the press, the Prime Minister explained “We had originally offered the Scottish Parliament greater autonomy in terms of taxation and welfare but it has come to our […]
Daily Mail readers are to get their own parliament as discussions regarding regional devolution progress and following the acceptance that some people live not in a particular geographical location, but in a mythical version of Britain that is only in their head. A spokesman for the Daily Mail has described the move as a victory […]
People across the British Isles have been celebrating throughout the night at news that and English Parliament, a London Parliament, a Cornwall parliament, an East Anglian Parliament and a Manchester Parliament on top of bigger Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish Assemblies mean lots and lots more politicians wittering on incessantly, and troughing it up, all […]
Scotland must go to its bedroom and stay there until it’s taken a good hard look at itself and is ready to join the rest of the United Kingdom without being Mr Shouty, according to Prime Minister of England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland, David Cameron “We’ve all had a good jolly. But it all […]
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