The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel is said to be incensed today following reports that the entire Greek islands have disappeared over night without leaving a forwarding address. According to neighbours Turkey, some rustling and “shhh” sounds were heard from across across the border, smattered with occasional giggling, but reports on when the country actually disappeared vary. […]
The more money you have the better a person you are. Everyone knows that. Prostituting yourself in a wide eyed evangelical fashion to the corporate Gods can be time consuming, leaving precious few hours for sitting in poncy wine bars making sure everyone knows that you are drinking expensive champagne which secretly you don’t even […]
Literally tens of people have taken part in pro-austerity marches held throughout Europe today. The march which included a mixture of politicians, corporations heads and landed gentry is thought to have sent a clear and decisive message to anti-austerity campaigners to know their place and stop being so silly. One marcher told us that the […]
Babies created from three people will have spinning round heads, a tendency to projectile vomit and an absolutely filthy vocabulary according to a spokesman for the Church of England The Reverend Brendan McCarthy, C of E adviser on medical ethics, said of the process: “We are concerned that this is being thought of as an […]
The results are in: Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh may be known for his sexist gaffes but it seems the women of Australia are more interested in what the ageing Prince has in his trousers, voting him Sexiest Man of the Year 2015. In a double-win for the geriatric Duke, the results were published only days […]
Participants in the celebrity endorsed social media advertised Dry January have already begun to form an orderly queue in order to collect their award. The award is rumoured to be a ‘fucking medal’ as many temporary non-drinkers claim to have been asked if they would like one of these. A spokesman for the National Association […]
London’s inner city of Westminster has become a no-go area for the majority of British people, unless you happen to be a complete arse-hat, according to the latest report from Fox News. Seen by much of the world as an “arse-hat ghetto” Westminster is thought to be a lawless place where people in suits strut […]
The Supreme Leader of Iran Ayatollah Khamenei has published an open letter to the “Youth in Europe and North America” demanding that they stop ignoring the dwarf planet Pluto and start treating it like any other planet. The letter claims the West is subject to a disinformation campaign from its politicians and criticizes Western media sources […]
Prince Charles has confirmed that on becoming King he will pass a law that everyone must embrace alternative therapies, beginning with inserting a crystal up their arse. Hitting back at “scientists”, who have criticised his unnerving support for alternative therapies, the Prince, also known as the Duke of Woo, said that the conventional medical world […]
The Government have announced plans to launch an inquiry into all Government inquiries in an effort to ascertain why all recent inquiries, especially ones regarding possible criminality of politicians, never seem to end or if they do never come to any logical conclusion. A spokesman for the new inquiry said “All inquiries such as Parliamentary […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.