The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The Russian Ambassador has been summoned to Downing street this morning amidst accusations that Britain’s recent infestation with hipsters is all part of Vladimir Putin’s plan to widen the power of the Kremlin and increase the scope of the Russian federation into Europe. Hipsters have been arousing suspicion from the public at large since their […]
The City of London have spent this afternoon riding around on horses shooting guns in the air and drunkenly whooping at the news that Barclays bank shareholders have voted today to increase their spending on remuneration packages which include higher bonuses for staff despite a 30% drop in profits. One trader in a slightly contrived […]
Former Prime Minister Blair has warned western leaders that they must put aside their differences with Russia over Ukraine to focus on the threat of warmongering religious fanatics, except him. In a speech Mr Blair, now a middle east envoy said: “Alright, Putin invades Ukraine now and again and goes to church a bit, but […]
A yes vote in a future referendum to stay in Europe could mean 26 million Europeans arriving at our shores with the sole intention of having a good look at your bum, according to United Kingdom Independence Party leader Nigel Farage. “There’s 26 million Europeans roaming the continent with the prime intention of looking at […]
David Moyes is facing the sack in the next 24 hours and is set to be replaced by former Co-operative bank boss, the Reverend Paul Flowers, according to News Toad sources. The outgoing Premier League champions have refused to comment on the widespread reports circulating on Monday afternoon, but News Toad sources suggest Moyes will […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has this morning revealed that he actually worships a number of different Gods depending on who he is talking to, what policies he is trying to implement and what mood he is in at the time. Under fire for previously categorising Britain as a solely Christian country, the Premier told us: […]
What appears to be a man dressed up in a rabbit costume has this morning issued a countrywide plea to the public to shun organised religion and remember the real meaning of Easter. “It’s all about the eggs, ideally ones that are mass produced by huge corporate confectionery companies. My job is to deliver chocolate […]
The Department of Transport have warned motorists to allow plenty of extra time for their journeys today as it is thought that the entire population of Britain and much of Northern Europe will be heading for Cornwall today to enjoy a well earned break over the Easter week-end. A spokesman explained “It’s all going to […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has urged the public to follow him in his crusade to stand up for Christianity, apart from the bit about feeding poor people. “We’re all for dressing up in funny costumes, singing dull songs on a Sunday morning and being pious. Coupled with that we can use our new found religious […]
Education Secretary Michael Gove has today called for a thorough investigation into the running of 25 Birmingham schools amidst widespread accusations that they are now being run by cybernetically enhanced humanoid drones of multiple species organized as an interconnected collective, the decisions of which are made by a hive mind linked by subspace radio. Mr Gove says he is “extremely […]
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