Government deny strangling kittens whilst media focus on the Olympics

Prime Minister Theresa May has strenuously denied accusations that the cabinet have been strangling kittens whilst the media focus their attention on the Olympic games.

Angela Eagle leadership bid sponsored by Starbucks

Angela Eagle’s leadership campaign for the top job in the Labour party is to be sponsored by coffee giant Starbucks, according to a statement released today, heralding a partnership that is thought to be completely impartial, aside from some very important messages. Though the leadership bid has been announced today, it will officially begin tomorrow […]

Jeremy Hunt to stand for labour leadership

Jeremy Hunt has announced that he will throw his hat into the ring to challenge Jeremy Corbyn in the forthcoming leadership contest.

MPs who voted for Iraq war rebel against half arsed referendum saboteur

Labour MPs who voted for the Iraq war have come out in force to rebel against their leader who couldn’t be arsed to win a referendum.

Jeremy Corbyn and David Cameron’s mother “Just rumours”

Suggestions of any relationship between Jeremy Corbyn and David Cameron’s mother have been dismissed by all sides today as nothing but rumours and tittle tattle. One parliamentary source told us “They may both be making a stand against the Conservative Government’s vicious cuts, but anyone saying that they are even just good friends, let alone […]

Sun outrage as Corbyn refuses to vote on X Factor

Popular newspaper The Sun has called for newly appointed Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn to be strung up by his curlies following revelations that he will not be voting on, discussing or even watching X Factor. Today’s edition of the paper said “One minute he’s refusing to doff his cap to the Queen. Now he’s refusing […]

Burnham stages armed coup of Labour leadership

Andy Burnham has reportedly staged an armed coup of the Labour leadership, surrounding himself with trigger happy henchmen and claiming total control and leadership of the Labour party, according to news just in. In a televised message Mr Burnham said “I warned you I would do or say anything to get into power. It has […]

Neil Kinnock banned from voting in labour leadership

Former Labour leader Neil Kinnock has described reports of him being banned from voting in the forthcoming Labour leadership contest as “a storm in a teacup”. “I don’t even care.” He confirmed. Mr Kinnock is understood to have failed a series of increasingly stringent tests designed to weed out people who might be voting to […]

Andy Burnham “Never trust a man with a beard”

Labour must avoid electing a leader with facial hair at all costs, according to leadership hopeful Andy Burnham, who has warned of catastrophic consequences to party members who choose to put their trust in a man with a beard. “One of the founding principles of the Labour movement is that you should never trust a […]

“Ooh no don’t shift left” say career politicians

Career politicians throughout the Labour Party have come together en masse to say “Ooh no! Don’t shift left. Think about us and our important careers. What if we don’t get elected? What if we do get elected and have to promise to feed everyone or something? This nonsense has to stop.” Former Leadership favourite until […]