The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The Green Party are being denied a voice in forthcoming television debates preceding the general election in order to save energy according to the BBC, ITV, Sky and Channel 4. A spokesman for all four channels told us “If we put them on the television, loads of people will watch it which will use more […]
UKIP’s only MP, Douglas Carswell, has told of his fury that the first week of his term has been marred by a sudden and unexpected influx of immigrants from the country of Dolaria, which is situated between Bulgaria, Romania and Spain. A spokesman for the foreign office explained “Romanians and Bulgarians did not arrive in […]
The people of Clacton-on-Sea have rocked the political system as we know it to its core by electing the same bloke as they already had until such time as there is another election in a few months when the same bloke will be standing again. Newly appointed Mp Douglas Carswell told us “The people have […]
David Cameron has had to endure yet another blow to his credibility this morning as news broke that 1980s rap and DJ duo Eric B and Rakim have defected to UKIP. Political expert Nick Robinson told us “They actually can’t vote themselves as they come from Long Island, New York and as far as we’re […]
The UK Independence Party have today announced that their first annual seance is to be held later on this year. Speaking from outside a meeting held today in Glastonbury, UKIP leader Nigel Farage told us “In order to respect the fact that many of our members have ties to spiritualism, angelic reiki healing and direct […]
Far right movements such as the BNP, Britain First and UKIP are considering a joint protest today following a leaked memo that all new cars manufactured in Britain are now designed to face Mecca. A spokesman for the Honda factory in Swindon explained that the change in production had not been universally popular but their […]
Canadian crooner Justin Bieber has confirmed that as of today he is now a fully paid up member of the United Kingdom Independence Party. The cock womble songsmith took time out from defecating onto fans from the top of a ladder when he broke the news, which it is thought will further increase Nigel Farage’s […]
Jim Davidson has issued the British electorate with a stark ultimatum “If UKIP get in, I’ll stay in the country”. “I normally threaten to sling my hook if the Conservatives don’t get in. But someone’s got to take a stand. I’ve even bought a house on 1970’s Island but if UKIP get in I’m not […]
Nigel Farage has expressed “regret” for controversial remarks he made about Romanians, explaining that such things often happen if he has been eating cheese. “Look it wasn’t really me. It was the cheese talking. I was hungry. Someone offered me a lump of cheddar and the next thing I know I’m spouting nonsense about how […]
UKIP leader Nigel Farage is said to be incensed yet vindicated as the news broke this morning that overnight a Romanian family moved into his arse. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s political chat show ‘Afternoon Bollocks’ where he broke traditional chat show protocol by refusing to sit down, Mr Farage explained “I think they’re Romanian anyway. […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.