The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Residents of Eastleigh have turned to adult entertainment in a desperate bid to regain the mass media appeal that they have coveted, enjoyed and later become addicted to. Professor of everything Dr Brian Cox has argued that this was sadly always on the cards. “We’ve seen it happen before with Big Brother contestants, X-Factor entrants […]
The next pope may well have to be a dalek, according to an outspoken Vatican source, in what is seen as one of the most dramatic breaks from ecumenical convention since the 12th Century when the papacy was briefly awarded to an elk. Speaking at a press conference this morning, Vatican Head of Communications Cardinal […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has vowed to redouble his efforts in placing his penis into a food processor despite clear evidence that it becomes a little bit shorter every time rather than longer as he originally predicted. The move comes as Moody’s have downgraded Britain’s credit rating from a AAA rating to AA1 […]
Ex-Lib Dem chief executive Lord Rennard has today refuted allegations of sexual impropriety, blaming a rare breed of ‘arse biting chicken’ for any inappropriateness. His shorter than expected statement “It wasn’t me. It was the arse biting chickens” has surprised the political world and left the results of the forthcoming Eastleigh by-election ever more difficult […]
David Cameron has been secretly wining and dining the producers of hit TV sports show ‘One man and his dog’ in a bid to round up stray grass roots tories who are determined to have their own opinions on things, according to an unnamed source. “He’s infuriated with trying to come across as a man […]
The Duchess of Cambridge, Princess Kate Middleton has broken her customary regal silence, to voice her disagreement with writer Hilary Mantel, and let her know that she plans to punch her in the tits. The situation has escalated since it began a fortnight ago, when Mantel gave a speech at the British Museum in which […]
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has moved forward with his controversial plans to have every British citizen work in a supermarket with today’s announcement “Stack shelves or we’ll shoot you.” Speaking on the Marr show this morning Mr Duncan Smith clarified the Government position on the matter, “I’m sick of all the excuses. […]
A spokesman for Buckingham Palace has relayed the ‘utter fury’ felt by the Royal Family at another unauthorised picture of Princess Kate, this time in the form of a stick drawing by 5 year old Poppy from Burgess Hill. “I can confirm that an unauthorised picture of the pregnant Princess has been drawn by an […]
Britain is in danger of an environmental catastrophe as many vegetarians are rapidly increasing in smugness, to a level approaching critical mass according to television boffin Professor Brian Cox. “Ultimately most vegetarians do it for the buzz,” Professor Cox explained “every time they meet someone who eats meat their bodies automatically produce special ‘smug […]
Pope Benedict XVI has resigned, saying that at his age he cannot carry out all his tasks adequately and is losing strength in body and mind. However, information from those closest to him suggests that he just can’t be arsed. A Vatican insider told us “This comes as no surprise to us. On numerous occasions […]
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