The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
David Cameron has announced a minimum price on a bag of cocaine as part of tough new measures designed to keep class A drug use for birthdays, bank holidays and other special occasions. Speaking at a press conference the Premier told us “We’ve decided that people should be allowed to drink as much alcohol as […]
The Labour party have come out as odds on favourites in the event of a fist fight with the Conservatives, according to recently published data from the Office for National Statistics. A spokesman told us “It’s all very well them standing in parliament arguing about methods of fiscal deficit reduction, but sooner or later it’s […]
Senior Liberal Democrats have today warned members that the party no longer has enough support to be viable as a political institution alone, and as a result should also start making cheese. Speaking at their spring conference Party leader and Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg underlined the reasons behind the changes. “Jessops, Blockbuster and Comet […]
As a result of today’s cross party agreement, Hugh Grant has confirmed that he will be accepting the position of ‘King of the Newspapers” and as of today all news stories must be submitted to him for approval and editing. The new role is thought to run concurrently with his present position of playing Hugh […]
The long running dispute regarding the sovereignty of the Falkland Islands took an unexpected twist today as the results of the referendum have seen the Islanders speak emphatically, and in one voice, that from now on they wish to be French. Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has requested that the French Government hand over […]
Supreme leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un has signaled that he may be prepared to cease all threats of launching a nuclear attack on South Korea or the USA on the proviso that cockney geyser thespian Danny Dyer ceases making his shit films immediately. Close friend and confidant George Galloway told us “It’s no […]
Bonnie Tyler has pledged to win the 2013 Eurovision song contest for Britain without singing a note in the conventional sense, but by simply farting along with the background music, in a surprise announcement from Mrs Tyler and the British Eurovision Committee. The singer aged 61 has welcomed the challenge of representing her country and […]
Pay day lenders are to be required by law to compensate for the crippling debt that they leave many of their customers in by being a bit more cheerful and working their sales pitches and final demands into famous tunes from musicals, according to new legislation announced today. As part of a move to clean […]
Stella English, winner of the 2010 BBC TV show, the apprentice has told a tribunal that she was merely an overpaid piece of lounge furniture as the ‘dream job’ offered by the series turned out to be the position of Lord Sugar’s coffee table. Ms English fought back tears as she told the tribunal […]
The worlds population as a whole have been urged to ‘remain calm’ as shockwaves resulting from teen crooner Justin Bieber’s ‘worst birthday ever’ have caused worldwide protests. Up to a quarter of the worlds population put aside the fact that many are living in absolute poverty and suffering the end of a global recession, to […]
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