The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has said he is “absolutely delighted” at news that a new Jizz flick is set to be made in the UK rather than the other side of the pond. Speaking at a meeting of the G7 group of industrialised nations, Mr Osborne said the decision to make the film here was […]
The showbiz world has been shocked to the core today at breaking news that veteran entertainer Tom O’Connor hasn’t been arrested, charged or suspected of any misdemeanors sexual or otherwise. Mr O’Connor, best known for presenting game shows such as Crosswits, The Zodiac Game and Name That Tune was unavailable for comment this afternoon as he was not […]
The British public have today backed Dame Helen Mirren as she has called for smug drumming troupes to finally piss off and bang their stupid drums somewhere else. Speaking at a press conference, Dame Helen told us “I’m basically the Queen these days as people prefer me to the other one. But with that comes […]
Would be Glastonbury festival revellers who have been disappointed at not being able to buy a ticket for £205 plus booking fee may have a second chance to attend as organisers have issued the following statement “Don’t worry about tickets. Just climb over the wall”. In the past organisers have defended the ticket price saying […]
The British public have today responded to Rolf Harris’s charges with a united voice. “It can’t have been Rolf. It must have been Dave Lee Travis”. Harris who brought such hits to us as ‘two little boys’, ‘jake the peg with his extra leg’, and more recently ‘Let me do you up the wrong’un sheila’ […]
Madonna is set to become legal parent to the entire country of Malawi according to Governnment sources who along with Malawi’s 15 million inhabitants are all going to be calling her “mother”. President of Malawi Joyce Banda has recalled how Madonna rattled around Malawi like a “rabid, crazy adopting machine gun” with her legal team […]
The News of the death of Former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher has been over shadowed today by the news that Former Prime Minister and war mongerer Tony Blair has been hotly tipped to be taking over as the next Doctor Who when Matt Smith hangs up his sonic screwdriver in December of this year. Speaking […]
The long disputed mystery of the identity of the Ronald McDonald clown has been unexpectedly brought to a conclusion as former Smiths front man Morrissey has admitted that when not being miserable, judgmental and vegetarian, he actually likes to plaster himself in make up, laugh a lot, and scoff lots of beef burgers. “My favourite […]
Coronation street thespian and spiritualist William Roache has made a heartfelt plea to the general public to desist from shoving things up his arse. The actor who specialises in playing Ken Barlows made the announcement via twitter, facebook and telepathy from his room in a private hospital where already he has had a toothbrush, a […]
As a result of today’s cross party agreement, Hugh Grant has confirmed that he will be accepting the position of ‘King of the Newspapers” and as of today all news stories must be submitted to him for approval and editing. The new role is thought to run concurrently with his present position of playing Hugh […]
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