The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Residents of Eastleigh have turned to adult entertainment in a desperate bid to regain the mass media appeal that they have coveted, enjoyed and later become addicted to. Professor of everything Dr Brian Cox has argued that this was sadly always on the cards. “We’ve seen it happen before with Big Brother contestants, X-Factor entrants […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has vowed to redouble his efforts in placing his penis into a food processor despite clear evidence that it becomes a little bit shorter every time rather than longer as he originally predicted. The move comes as Moody’s have downgraded Britain’s credit rating from a AAA rating to AA1 […]
Ex-Lib Dem chief executive Lord Rennard has today refuted allegations of sexual impropriety, blaming a rare breed of ‘arse biting chicken’ for any inappropriateness. His shorter than expected statement “It wasn’t me. It was the arse biting chickens” has surprised the political world and left the results of the forthcoming Eastleigh by-election ever more difficult […]
David Cameron has been secretly wining and dining the producers of hit TV sports show ‘One man and his dog’ in a bid to round up stray grass roots tories who are determined to have their own opinions on things, according to an unnamed source. “He’s infuriated with trying to come across as a man […]
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has moved forward with his controversial plans to have every British citizen work in a supermarket with today’s announcement “Stack shelves or we’ll shoot you.” Speaking on the Marr show this morning Mr Duncan Smith clarified the Government position on the matter, “I’m sick of all the excuses. […]
Plans to scrap GCSEs in key subjects in England and Wales, and replace them with English Baccalaureate Certificates are today being abandoned by the Government after Education Secretary Michael Gove followed a recent statement on the matter with the word ‘jokes’. Under the the Parliamentary Humour Act of 1878 any proposed legislation followed by the […]
Disgraced Liberal Democrat MP Chris Huhne will more than likely skip bail to become a soldier of fortune as opposed to serving his imminent prison sentence according to an inside source who wished to remain nameless. “He’s always wanted to be in a fictitious American vigilante organisation of some sort or other. Getting a criminal […]
Councils throughout Britain are demanding more taxes to wank into a bucket as little is left in the coffers for basic services after the majority of local authority income has been wanked into a bucket. The move will hit households on low incomes, particularly since Iain Duncan Smith has decided that poor people don’t actually […]
David Cameron has told the European Union “Give us a better deal or I’ll release the monkey people” leaving many shocked at the surprisingly short speech that had been awaited for months and postponed several times. The speech has sparked debate throughout the media as well as throughout Europe as to what Mr Cameron actually […]
The new flat rate state pension has been formulated with the sole objective of keeping old people out of restaurants, according to leaked e-mails between Prime Minister David Cameron and Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Iain Duncan Smith. As part of a controversial plan to ‘hide the over 60s’ the correspondence details plans […]
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