The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Fracking protesters in the village of Balcombe have this morning indicated that they are ‘in it for the long haul’ and by October, when it is too cold to continue camping, will move their protest to surrounding 3 star hotels. One such protester Gandalf Trustfund told us “If you think we’re going to sit around […]
People of Kingston in Surrey are tonight beginning the laborious process of tucking into the largest ‘Fatberg’ in recent history after local authorities have decided that they caused it so should be made to eat it. A spokesman for Kingston Council told us “It’s their own fault. We keep telling our residents not to empty […]
Singer Jennifer Lopez has assured human rights activists and concerned members of the public that she plans to entertain oppressive regimes far less frequently, and intends to keep private concerts for military dictatorships down to a minimum. The recent Birthday concert for President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov of Turkmenistan who is presently ranked 6 in the Sunday […]
Residents of Birmingham and the surrounding provinces have been awarded a Government grant for a new accent as part of a new initiative announced today by Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking at a this morning’s press conference Mr Osborne told us “We all know that times are hard but we need a high […]
Her Royal Highness Her majesty Elizabeth The Queen is apparently unavailable for comment today after the first 24 hours of “getting right on it” following yesterdays pay rise. In what was described by Royal sources as “serious result” in the form of a £2 million pay rise from the public purse, the Palace hosted one […]
The British public are going to have to follow Andy Murray around 24 hours a day cheering him on through megaphones if he is to stand a chance of winning this years Wimbledon tournament according to former British number one Timmy Henman. “I’m very confident that he can win but only if everyone cheers him […]
United Kingdom Independence Party leader Nigel Fararage assured supporters and well wishers today that he is very much alive and in good health, if a little shaken, after a terrible accident where he reportedly tripped over and fell into a tax avoidance scheme. Speaking from his bed at a private hospital the jingoistic politician and […]
I have a confession to make. About 20 years ago at a minor music festival my mate Dave and I decided to see if we could earn a bit of extra cash by performing “Didgeridoo therapy”. We would find potential punters with names like “Roman Hawkmoon”, lie them down and ask them to imagine they […]
Motorists will have to punish themselves by removing points from their own licenses and inserting cash fines into honesty boxes under the new offence of ‘driving like a cunt’. Road Safety Minister Stephen Hammond said: “Cunty drivers are a menace and their negligence puts innocent people’s lives at risk. However we’ve sacked half the traffic […]
MPs are taking monetary payments in order to break wind in parliament on request from lobbyists according to new information released this morning. The practice has come to light after undercover reporters from TVs Panoranorama posed as lobbyists representing a group of businesses with interests in anal emissions. Conservative MP Mr Patrick Mercer was approached […]
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