The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has said he is “absolutely delighted” at news that a new Jizz flick is set to be made in the UK rather than the other side of the pond. Speaking at a meeting of the G7 group of industrialised nations, Mr Osborne said the decision to make the film here was […]
Scientists have issued a stark warning today that the planet is continuing to rise in temperature and the only way to stop it is by everyone leaving their fridges open. The move comes as Daily CO2 readings at a US government agency lab have counted 400 parts per million for the first time. CO2 molecules are […]
Abu Qatada has surprised his critics today by agreeing to leave Britain on his own accord. He has however stipulated that Home Secretary Theresa May must come with him. In a statement read out by his solicitor this morning the hairy Lothario explained his decision. “The art of being a good guest is knowing when […]
The showbiz world has been shocked to the core today at breaking news that veteran entertainer Tom O’Connor hasn’t been arrested, charged or suspected of any misdemeanors sexual or otherwise. Mr O’Connor, best known for presenting game shows such as Crosswits, The Zodiac Game and Name That Tune was unavailable for comment this afternoon as he was not […]
The British public have today backed Dame Helen Mirren as she has called for smug drumming troupes to finally piss off and bang their stupid drums somewhere else. Speaking at a press conference, Dame Helen told us “I’m basically the Queen these days as people prefer me to the other one. But with that comes […]
David Cameron has assured the public that he will be more racist in the future as he makes plans to win back the votes of people who like to blame things on foreigners. “Obviously I made a mistake in calling UKIP members fruitcakes and closet racists, as it’s given them load of votes. So I’d […]
Police Commissioners throughout the country have cancelled all leave for police officers for the foreseeable future as a warrant has been issued for the arrest of the entire 1970s. The move comes after Stuart Hall, Ken Barlow and now professional fibber Max Clifford have revealed that any sexual crimes they may or may not have […]
UKIP leader Nigel Farage has announced new plans to identify racists within the party who may have forgotten to mention that they were racist when they first joined the party. It is believed Mr Farage has used his own finances to purchase a distant relative of Germany’s ‘Paul the Octopus’ who shares the same psychic octopus […]
A US invasion of the Isle of Wight became ever more imminent today as President Barack Obama warned that there may or may not be some intelligence to suggest that the pariah Island may have weapons of mass destruction. Speaking at a press conference this morning Mr Obama stated “We have varying degrees of confidence […]
Stoke Mandeville hospital situated right in the heart of extra toe country, is quite used to its fair share of unusual injuries. But staff at accident and emergency were rather taken aback this morning, by the arrival of a local office manager Mike ‘Ted’ Rogers with a full time administrative job inserted firmly into his […]
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