The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Many of Prince Charles’ letters to the Government reveal a deep routed hatred of short people it has emerged after a ruling passed today by the supreme court means that now anyone can actually read the letters as long as they do so respectfully and promise not to laugh. One letter to the then Prime […]
Avid Merrion has confirmed that he will be withdrawing his character of Jeremy Clarkson with immediate effect and will now stick to entertaining the nation with his less offensive characters such as the small bear that keeps showing his penis. In a situation not dissimilar from the termination of the Dapper Laughs character last year, […]
Britain First are set to travel to the Falkland Islands to help defend against any threat from Argentina, according to Defence secretary Philip Hammond, who today unveiled a series of measures to bolster the British armed forces without spending any money. Speaking to a heaving press conference Mr Hammond said “They’ve got uniforms, they like […]
Alex salmond will be given Surrey as his own private kingdom to do with whatever he chooses should the SNP hold the balance of power in any future coalition with the Labour party. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Salmond explained that whilst he would still be campaigning for Scottish independence he would himself […]
A Conservative party candidate has been caught on camera openly admitting that none of us are any more important than the other no matter what our race, social class or political leanings, and rather than pursing wealth at all costs to the detriment of others we should in fact work together and ensure equality for […]
Funeral services have been branded lazy and slapdash following today’s revelations that they are only now burying people that popped their clogs in 1485. The funeral which was originally scheduled for “after lunch” circa the 15th century has come under fire from critics after repeatedly being delayed for “circumstances beyond our control” such as a […]
Wobbly eyed right wingers UKIP are said to be in turmoil today following the suspension of a number of their candidates for scrumping. The suspensions which are separate to any police investigations came about after complaints from a number of village garden owners, sick of constantly having to chase UKIP members away from their fruit […]
Michael Eavis has built a 40 foot high fence around tomorrow’s solar eclipse and hired a large security firm to ensure that only those who have paid him £400 a ticket or are on some sort of corporate guest list can sneak a peak. Speaking on Radio One’s Newsbeat Mr Eavis said “I’m very proud […]
Drinkers throughout the UK have reacted with pure unbridled joy at the news that a pint of Peroni in their local chain pub will now be reduced from £4.58 to £4.57 after Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne announced a reduction of a whole penny per pint in beer duty as part of today’s budget. […]
Judges have been ordered to limit their pornographic titillation to underwear catalogues whilst in work time, according to tough new rules announced today. Justice Secretary Chris Grayling said that whilst judges, clerks and senior court officials should not be seen to be self pleasuring like over sexed chimps on her majesty’s wifi, a complete ban […]
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